


Dear Diary

by leonheart2012



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: AU - No Devonford, AU - No werewolves, Anal Sex, F/M, Fingering, M/M, The New Kid - Liam
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-06-02 09:58:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 33,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6561955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leonheart2012/pseuds/leonheart2012
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam has just found out that he had IED, so he moves states with his family. He keeps a diary of this transition, and notes all of the attractive boys in his new school, Beacon Hills High.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Day 1 - A New Start

**Dear Diary**

_A new life. This is where it starts. Don't mess it up, Liam. You can do this._ I looked up at the facade of the building (I've only recently learnt what that means - need to know a lot of words if I'm going to be a writer). It was a simple enough building. Mostly brick. I'd come with another new kid, Mason. I'd met him over the break. He was a good-looking guy, and we were both gay, but we'd decided to just be friends. He wanted to focus on his studies, and I preferred tall guys. As we walked in, I saw a menagerie of people; some attractive, some not, but my eye picked out a few guys right off the bat.

Near the door, there was an average height guy with piercing blue eyes. His hair was _amazing_ , obviously styled to perfection just that morning. I picked him out as a jock. He was standing next to a - frankly - gorgeous red-head. They seemed to be involved, so I crossed him out - I wasn't going to be a boyfriend stealer.

A few paces from the door was a pair of attractive guys. One was _hot_ , with dark curls, soft brown skin and rippling muscles. He wasn't exactly tall, but he was definitely someone I'd want to keep an eye on. The other guy was about the same height - not as attractive as the other guy, but he had this way about him that screamed 'fun'. He looked like someone who would be willing to experiment. I was into that. He also had great lips. As his face broke into a smile, I could see that I was right about that. It was bright and friendly.

My gaze moved upwards to two guys. They were so tall, it made my knees weak. (Man, I shouldn't get so turned on by tall guys) One was just a bit taller than the other, and he had hair of the most wondrous color - it was almost brunette, but there was just the right amount of blonde. He had a great face too. He laughed at something the other guy had said, and my heart jumped at the sound. It was positively beautiful. I almost couldn't take my eyes off him. I did, though, and checked out the other guy. He was smiling, too, and it was a great smile. It took over his whole face. He had curly blonde locks that fell over his forehead in graceful waves.

My attention was drawn away by the flexing of some big muscles. Although I am turned on by height, muscles really do something for me too. I looked in his direction and nearly fell flat. He was beautiful. It's not often you get a guy as beautiful as this one - he had brown eyes, brown hair, and only lightly tanned skin. The shirt he was wearing let his muscles ripple just under the surface, on display for anyone who cared to look, and boy, was I looking.

I turned away reluctantly to find Mason gone. I looked about for him and saw him standing next to yet another attractive guy. He was about Mason's height. He was a light brown all over - even his lips were a brownish red. I went over to Mason and draped my arm over his shoulders. "What happened to focusing on your studies, hmm?"

Mason blushed and tried to duck under my arm, but I tightened my grip. Eventually, he stopped struggling and sighed. "I'm just not interested in you like that."

"Coulda told me off the bat. I wouldn't have been mad. I mean, you're not really my type either."

"I'm not?" Mason asked me, frowning. 

"Nah, I like tall guys. I guess your type is short, cute and brown all over, huh?" I held my hand out to the cute guy. "My name's Liam."

"Corey. Nice to meet you." He turned to Mason. "So, I guess I'll see you later, yeah?" His voice was nice - soft. He was blushing, too.

"Yeah." When he'd gone, Mason turned to me, clearly upset. "Did you really have to do that? He's probably not even gay."

"Are you kidding me? He was totally checking you out, dude."

Mason seemed to perk up at that. "He was?"

I laughed, shook my head, and led him off to class, arm still draped over his shoulders. "Let's get to class, you hopeless freak."

  


Tall guy number one was in my English class. He was getting eyed by _everybody_ , but he seemed not to notice. He was the only guy I'd noticed that morning in any of my classes. I was slightly disappointed by that, but I didn't let it bother me that much. We were told we'd have to get partners for the project due later that term. I held back, hoping I'd be a left-over, but this girl bounded over to me first thing, asking eagerly if we could work together. I agreed, because of my social awkwardness. And besides, it was rude to turn someone down like that, wasn't it?

Tall guy number one was also apparently new too, because the teacher called us and another guy up the front. "This is Liam Dunbar, come from Iowa. Please make him welcome." She moved to the middle kid. "This is Jacob Johnson, transferred from Beacon County High. Please make him feel welcome." She stood next to tall guy number one. "This is Brett Tabot. You might know him from before his three-year trip there, but we're required to introduce him nonetheless." She sighed, clearly having repeated this process hundreds of times. "You can go back to your seats now, boys." I smiled, finally having the guy's name. I wrote it down quickly in my notebook, so I wouldn't forget. The girl I'd been paired with tried to look, but I snapped my book shut.

(Heather? Haley? God, what was her name? Hayden? Yeah, Hayden. That was it.)

Whatever her name was, I ignored her futile and frankly weak attempts at flirtation until the bell rang. I tried to escape her wrath, but her locker was right next to mine. I sighed - if this continued, it was going to be a _long_ year. She was saying something about her cat, but I turned to her and stared straight into her eyes until her mouth snapped shut.

"Listen, lady, I don't know what you think you're going to achieve, but I'm gay. I am not interested in you. At all." Her expression stayed mostly the same, so I changed my tactic. "Can you go away? Please?" The message seemed to have been received, and she drew back, slinking down the hall. _What a strange person..._

I had study hall next, and both of the new boys were there. Jacob waved me over. "Sit with us. The new guys should sit together."

"I'm not new." Brett protested, but he moved aside anyway. I sat down next to him and got out my books.

"I saw you talking to that tall blonde this morning. Who was he?"

"Oh, that's Isaac Lahey. He can be a bit of an asshat sometimes, but he's fun to have around. Interested?"

"Maybe. He looks athletic. He in any of the teams?"

"Lacrosse."

My heart jumped at the news. Were _all_ of the hot guys on the lacrosse team? "Really? I play too. You?" I really hoped he did. I wanted to see this guy shirtless, really badly.

"Yeah. Also play a bit of basketball - help them out with the height, you know?" I noticed, out of the corner of my eye, that the other new guy seemed disappointed that he wasn't being included. I didn't really care at that point in time - I was _very_ happy to have all of Brett's attention.

"Cool." I tried to remain calm, but my stomach was doing somersaults. "Do you know when try-outs are?"

"This Friday. I'll see you there, right?" He smiled at me, and I felt my heart try to fly away. I pulled it back into line.

I returned his smile, but I might have just looked mildly pained. "Definitely."

To my dismay, Brett turned to talk to the other guy. "Will you be trying out for any of the teams?" I excused myself and went to the bathrooms.

"I missed you while you were in France. Did you really have to go away for so long?" The guy's voice was upset and a little whiny.

"I missed you too, and yes, I did have to be there for that long. You know how Chris gets. After Allison...he almost wouldn't let me out of his sight." The other voice, also male, was softer, with an edge of care that was undeniable. _They're dating._ I peeked around the corner. Tall guy two, Isaac, and the fun guy were together, holding hands.

"I know. I'm just glad you're back safe." He kissed Isaac softly. I was slightly disappointed - my options were dwindling quickly. I suddenly remembered my need to pee. I pushed the door open, coughing. They broke apart, blushing.

"I won't tell anybody. Promise." The shorter guy looked immensely relieved, and Isaac sighed, but still eyed him warily. "Name's Liam, by the way." He held his hand out, and the shorter guy shook it without hesitation. Isaac seemed very wary, holding back until his boyfriend had shaken his hand.

"Stiles, and that's Isaac. Nice to meet you and everything, but we'll just...go."

"Sure, yeah...see you around." They left with red faces, and I relieved myself, going back to the other guys. "I miss anything?"

"Not really." Jacob looked like he'd been caught telling his little brother something dirty. I frowned at him, but left it at that. I sat back down. I was really tempted to tell Brett about Isaac and Stiles, but I'd promised... _when has that ever stopped you from doing anything?_

I was angry at myself for even thinking it. I was doing better. I was _going_ to do better. _I'm in therapy, and it's all going to be_ \- I felt the anger rise in my chest, a familiar aching blackness. Not caring what they thought, I pushed myself away from the table. I heard Brett mutter something to Jacob, but I paid them no mind. I walked as quickly as I could away from the library. Through the haze of anger, I realised that I'd left my bag in the library. _Do you want to go back in there and get it?_ I hugged myself, my fingers digging into my skin. I wasn't going to get in trouble on my first day over something so trivial.

I pushed the doors to the school open, unaware that I'd walked this far. Brett ran out after me, carrying my backpack. "Liam." I stopped, not facing him. "Liam, are you okay?"

I tried to calm myself down before answering, but it was a battle I was losing. I nearly cried out in despair, but I bit my lip before anything more than a whimper escaped. I felt his hand on my shoulder and curled in on myself even more. _Oh no, we are not going there. Not today._ He tried to touch me again, and I couldn't hold it. I whirled to face him, pulling away again. "Just leave me alone!"

Brett flinched back, and I followed suit. This wasn't his fault. He looked hurt and confused. "I...I'm only trying to help."

 _I know._ "So stop helping. I've dealt with this before."

"This? Do you mean anger?"

"No, I mean fucking dancing faeries, Brett! Why do you even care, anyway?" _Oh no...just go away...or reign it in._ I concentrated on gathering the shattered pieces of myself, but I knew I wasn't going to make it in time. My fist was aching already, getting ready to punch the guy's lights out. I was breathing heavier, ready for the exertion. I clenched my teeth, trying to remember anything my therapist taught me, but it all slipped through my fingers.

Brett had been silent, but he now wore a calm expression, like he'd dealt with this before. His voice reached to me through waves of anger. "Okay...I don't know much about whatever it is you're going through, but I can tell you're angry. That's okay. We all get angry sometimes. But...we all have coping mechanisms, right?" I shook my head, trying to clear it. He must have taken this as answer for his previous question, because he continued. "Alright, well, do you want to know what I do when I get angry?" He paused for a few seconds, like I could actually answer him without screaming.

When those seconds turned to minutes, I realised that he was, in fact, waiting for an answer. I composed myself to say one word - 'yes'.

"Okay. When I get angry, I remember a Buddhist saying. 'What three things cannot long be hidden?' Do you know the answer?"

I shook my head, and he continued. I was really glad that he was here, now. If he hadn't been, I would have probably broken my fist on a tree. "The sun, the moon, and the truth. Can you say that for me? The sun, the moon, and the truth."

He said it a few times, as if to remind me. Sure enough, after hearing it said so many times, it became the centre of my thoughts. "The sun, the moon, the truth."

His smile reached me through the haze, bright as the sun. "Good job. Can you say it again for me?"

"I'm not a kid, you know. I can do this myself." I had meant it to be a joke, but it came out harsher than intended. He looked hurt again, wiping the smile off his face. He turned away, but I grabbed his arm. "Sorry, that was meant to be lighter. You're...no one's ever talked me down from an episode. Not even mom. Thanks. If you hadn't followed me, I probably would have broken my hand on a tree." At his look, I guessed that it wouldn't be best to follow with 'wouldn't be the first time'.

"Episode?" He asked after a minute.

"Yeah...I have IED." He looked completely lost. "Intermittent explosive disorder. It means that I get angry...really angry...for sometimes the stupidest reasons. It was a stupid reason this time. I promised someone I wouldn't tell, but I wanted to let you know."

"Well...if you promised, then you shouldn't tell unless someone's going to get hurt. Is someone going to get hurt if you don't tell me?"

"Not that I can discern."

"Then don't tell me. I wouldn't want to know." He smiled at me. "It's good to keep your promises, Liam, even if sometimes, you really don't want to." I sensed that something else was coming, and I was right. "Now, I want you to promise me something."

"Okay." I was guarded. I wasn't going to agree or disagree unless I knew what it was he wanted.

"I want you to promise me that you'll always remember what I taught you. Even if it's only in your head, when you get angry, I want you to promise me that you'll repeat them, over and over, okay? The sun, the moon, the truth."

"That's an easy thing to promise." He held out his hand and I stared at it. He laughed at my expression.

"Shake on it, silly. Promise."

"Shouldn't I get to have you promise me something too?"

He shrugged. "If you want."

My mind reeled with possibilities - I was grateful for his presence today, and wanted to keep him close, but if I asked him on a date, he might freak out... _would he refuse to shake?_ I eventually came to a decision. "Hang out with me this weekend. Come over on Friday. We can play video games or whatever."

He seemed pleased with this. "Promise." I took his hand in mine and shook it firmly.

"Promise."

  


The rest of the day went by mostly uneventfully. I kept seeing Brett in the hallways and we smiled and acted friendly, as though I hadn't been about to punch his lights out. Despite everything, I found it almost funny. _I guess my anger isn't all that bad, mom. It made me a new friend._ Mason, of course, wanted all the details. I told him, and he seemed happy enough with the results.

"So, you really like him, huh?"

"He's really cute." I felt my cheeks heat up. "And I want to be friends first. Just to make sure he's a good guy."

"Oh, I think he's a good guy. And he _is_ cute. Sounds like he likes you too. You even told him about your IED."

"I had to. How else was I going to explain my outburst?"

"Actually, what _did_ you get angry about? You didn't tell me."

I was conflicted, but then I remembered what Brett had said - 'It's good to keep your promises, Liam, even if sometimes, you really don't want to.' I felt the weight of those words, and made my decision. "I promised someone something, and I wanted to tell Brett about it, but I remembered the promise. I thought...'when has that ever stopped me before' and I got angry. With myself, you know? I'm trying to be a better person. I'm starting over. I'm going to make my parents proud, Mason."

Mason smiled at me. "That's a really great outlook to have, Liam. Anyway, I haven't told you yet...I'm going on a date with Corey this Saturday."

"So soon?" I was surprised that he was moving so quickly. Even I, who couldn't wait to get a boyfriend, was holding back on my dating game. I thought back to Isaac and Stiles kissing. I wished I could have that, and soon, but I wanted it to be with the right person.

"You're so uptight." He nudged me with his elbow. "Yeah, I'm getting a boyfriend as soon as I can. I mean, I'm a teenage boy, Liam! I'm turning sixteen this year! I'm out of the closet, my parents still love me, and I've got the whole world to explore! This year is gonna be great!"

I laughed at his enthusiasm as the bus pulled up. "Come on, time to go home...unless you wanna walk."

"No. No thank you." Mason shook his head to accentuate his displeasure at the notion.

"That enthusiasm left quickly." Mason just stuck his tongue out at me. "If you're not careful with that, it might end up somewhere you don't want it to be." He stiffened and pulled his tongue back into his mouth, eyeing me warily. "That's what I thought." We sat next to each other and chatted idly until my stop, where I left Mason on the bus.

  


"How was your day, honey?"

"It was great, mom. I made a new friend. He's cute, tall and really understanding. He's coming over this Friday."

"Understanding?" My mom was, of course, very interested in that. She majored in psychology, and was always evaluating my friends. "How would you know that?"

"I got angry - not at him - and he talked me down." My mom's face was priceless. "I know, right? Amazing. He handled it well."

"How did he talk you down?" Mom sat down at the dining room table, hands clasped together. I sat with her.

"He told me that it's okay to get angry, and that we all have coping mechanisms. He told me his. He said that he repeats a few words, like a mantra. It was really...effective. Once he said it about twenty times, it was all I could think about. I don't know why. Maybe it's because it wasn't about the anger. The words, which I've promised him to say when I get angry, are 'the sun, the moon, the truth'."

Mom looked surprised. "And that cooled you down?" I nodded. "Wow. I suddenly really want to meet this boy."

"Just so long as you don't thank him on Friday. I'll tell him you said thanks."

"Okay."

I went up to my room and called Brett, because he'd given me his number after school, much to the surprise of Mason. He picked up after six rings. "Now's not a great time." He said quickly. "I'll call you back." In the background, before he hung up, I heard a woman's voice say hopefully "was that your girlfriend?"

I stared at my phone for a minute before doing my homework. _Girlfriend? Didn't he just come back from a three-year trip? Maybe he has a girlfriend overseas._

About an hour later, my phone rang. I picked it up, looking at the caller ID; Brett. "Sorry, I was having dinner with my family. What's up?"

"My mom just wanted to say thanks for talking me down today. She'd probably love to talk to you. Just a warning, she'll definitely want to sit you down when you come over on Friday."

"Okay." There was a pause. "Listen, Liam...can you...not call me after about seven? My parents get home then and-"

"I want to talk to your girlfriend!" I assumed that she was his mother or a sister. _Probably mother. Too old to be a sister._

"It's a friend." Brett said stiffly.

"Oh." Came the disappointed reply, and I heard a door shut.

"Mother?" I asked apologetically.

"Yeah. Anyway, don't call after seven if you can help it. And...don't come over here, at all. I know that sounds kind of harsh but..."

"No, I get it. It's okay." I was really confused by those rules, but if that's what Brett wanted...

He sighed, sounding both relieved and annoyed. "Liam...I know I promised to come over on Friday, and I can, but...there probably won't be much of...that. I...I'm not really allowed out of the house much. Mother protecting her oldest child and all that jazz."

"O-kay." I bit my lip before continuing. I wasn't sure whether I should ask my next question. But... _not being able to leave the house is a serious red flag..._ "Brett...are you...do your parents...treat you right?" Lord knows, I had enough experience with abusive parents. I shivered, remembering the chill that went up my spine every time the front door opened, even now.

"I...as best they can."

"Brett, if your initial answer to that question was either 'I don't know' or 'I guess so', I'm gonna be worried. So, what was your initial answer? And don't lie to me."

"My initial answer was...I know they're trying." I could hear the lie, and I could tell that even he wasn't convinced by his answer.

"It was 'I don't know, wasn't it? Brett, I'm going to tell somebody about it."

"No! No, don't! Please. My parents...they love me in their own way." He could sense that it wasn't getting through to me. "Listen, I did something for you today, right? So do something for me. Don't tell. Please. Promise."

"Brett, not being able to leave the house is a serious red flag. It marks one of the signs of abuse. Trust me, my mom told me everything, and she's a psychologist. If...are you allowed to leave the house for _anything_?"

"I have a job...and if I'm going around to a girl's house, they jump on the opportunity. They're trying to get me to reproduce." He said it as if he was totally and completely repulsed by the idea.

"Brett, that's another serious red flag. If you give me one more, I'm calling the police. I'm not going to keep promises when someone's in danger, Brett."

"Then I'm hanging up."

"No, Brett, don-" He hung up the phone, and I flopped onto my bed. I thought about it for a long time, but decided not to tell anybody yet. I'd talk to him tomorrow, sort it all out. I sighed and got out my computer, typing up the events from today. If things went as interestingly as I thought they might, it might make a good book. _Yeah, a real page-turner, Liam. A guy who has anger issues falling for a guy who's parents abuse him._ It took me a while to get to sleep that night. I would have felt better if I'd told someone about it, but I needed to talk to Brett first.


	2. Day 2 - Trouble's 'Round The Bend

I went to school, hoping to see Brett before English. I had Mathematics first. I sat next to Mason, feeling a little apprehensive. The class passed by slowly, dragging its feet.

My next class before lunch was Biology, my elected science, and it, too, passed slowly. I sat, fidgeting the entire time, staring at the clock. As soon as the bell rang, I headed to the library, but Brett wasn't there. It's not like we'd agreed to meet there or anything, but he had said that it was his favourite place to sit and eat lunch. I looked out in the cafeteria and around campus, but I couldn't find him anywhere. I started to panic.

_Maybe he's sick...what if his parents didn't let him come to school today? Maybe I should...no, he said I shouldn't go there..._

I tried his phone, but he didn't pick up. It didn't even ring. _He turned his phone off? Why would he turn his phone off?_

I decided to try later, but I was still worried. I was bursting to tell Mason and ask what he thought I should do, but I couldn't, not until I had more information. If I went around saying that Brett's parents abused him without any proof, things could go very badly for the both of us. I sat next to him, not even trying to hide my inner turmoil (I recognise that this sounds quite dramatic, but I was rather distraught).

"What's wrong?" Mason asked, hand sliding over mine. I was glad my mum had told him about my dad - Mason was a touchy person, and I _really_ didn't want to talk about it.

I sighed. "I wish I could tell you, but I'm not sure that I should. I mean, he asked me not to."

"Brett?"

"Yeah. But I'm worried. I want to talk to him about it, but he's not here and his phone's off. I'm _really_ worried, Mason."

"It's just one day, Liam. I'm sure he'll be back tomorrow."

"Yeah..." But I still wasn't convinced. Just before the next bell, I tried calling him again, but there was no answer.

 _This is too suspicious. It's too close to what happened yesterday. Maybe I should go to the office._ I shut that thought down immediately.

_We became friends yesterday. If I ask after him this soon, it'll look weird._

_But he might be in trouble._

_I'll go to his-_

_He told you not to._ I wanted to just scream. It would clear everything. I felt my anger build deep in my chest. I stalked outside, remembering what Brett had told me.

_'The sun, the moon, the truth. The sun, the moon-'_

_Why remember the words of someone who might by lying on the floor, bleeding to death?_ I finally let my scream push out of my lungs. Mason was suddenly there. He must have followed me.

"Liam?" I looked up at him, and his own face fell. "My God, you're really worried, aren't you?" He bit his lip. "Do you want to go home?"

"No. No, if I go home, I'll drive myself crazy. I need something to keep my mind off it." Suddenly, I remembered Isaac. "Just...give me a minute, alright?"

"Alright." Mason still looked worried, but he stepped back and I went to find Isaac.

He was just walking into class. I caught his arm. "Hey, Isaac, can I talk to you for a second?"

He glanced at Stiles, nodded slightly and stepped off to the side with me while the rest of his class filed in. "Sure. What's up?"

"Do you know where Brett is? I've called him twice, but his phone's off."

"No, sorry. I don't know. He might just be sick. But...you just met him yesterday. Why are you so worried?"

"I...I was talking to him last night, and...I'll tell you later. Thanks anyway."

I turned away, but Isaac put his hand on my shoulder. "Listen, have...have you been to his house? He said that I shouldn't go there."

"He said I shouldn't either. That's part of the reason I'm worried. What's there do you think?"

"His mother." He didn't even have to think before replying, but he didn't elaborate. I waited, but he smiled sadly and said "good luck."

"Thanks..." I bit my lip, really worried now. _Why didn't he hesitate for even a second? What has his mother done? Is she really so bad?_ I went to my class, English, and stared at Brett's empty seat. We had to pair up again for our projects, and the girl from yesterday came bounding over.

"Hey, Liam. How are you doing?" I let my head fall to the desk, letting out a small groan. "Wow, that bad, huh?"

"Hayden, listen-"

"Oh my God, you remembered my name! Yesterday, when you referred to me as 'lady', I thought you might not have remembered, but you do!"

"Hayden, please. Just stop. I'm not interested in you. Let's just do the assignment as quickly as possible, and get this over and done with, okay? And then we will _never. Talk. Again._ Agreed?"

"I...what? No. How can you ask that of me? Our lockers are right next to each other!"

Just to make my day worse, the teacher announced that our current partners would be our partners for every other group project. I groaned again. Hayden almost squealed, and the noise resulting from her trying to hold it in - a rare occurrence for her - was a high pitched whistle that set sounded like fingernails down a blackboard. I shivered and sat through the worst hour of my life.

  


After class, I went to the teacher. "Hi, I'm paired with Hayden."

"Oh. Sorry, but I'm afraid I can't help you there. No one else will take her. She becomes romantically attached to anyone she's paired with. Sorry."

I sighed, but pressed forward. "I noticed that Brett wasn't here today. Do you know where he is?"

"I'm not supposed to tell people, but he won't ever be here on Tuesdays. His parents have taken him out for medical reasons. I can't really help you there, either." She sighed and stood. "Listen, because you're with Hayden, I won't mark you down if you don't collaborate with her. Feel free to join other people's projects, though."

 _God, why'd it have to be Tuesdays? Of all the days..._ "Can we...swap partners?"

"If everyone agrees with the swap, sure."

"Everyone but Hayden? I asked hopefully.

She nodded. "Everyone but Hayden." She finished packing up her stuff. "Don't worry so much about Brett. He's handled a lot in his life. His parents taking him out of school for the day isn't the end of the world. He's a straight A student, on Honour roll. He has a scholarship. He could go to any school he wanted, but he's here because his friends and his sister are. He's a nice boy, and I'm glad you've made friends already. I hope you do well here, Liam."

"Thanks. I'll see you on Thursday."

"See you, Liam. Come and see me if you ever need any help."

"I will. Have a good day." I said over my shoulder as I exited. She smiled at me before turning back to her desk, checking if she'd missed anything. As I walked through the hall ways, I saw the hot guy from yesterday, the shortish brown one friends with Stiles. He was kissing an Asian girl of about the same age. I felt my mood darken. Today wasn't a good day. I even had work this afternoon. I groaned and went to History, hating every minute of it.

  


Hayden came up to me at my locker, despite my best efforts to avoid her. "Hey, Liam."

"Oh my God. I'd ask if you could take a hint, but these aren't hints, Hayden. They're fucking neon signs in the blackest night with flashing lights and sirens. Leave. Me. Alone. Okay? I don't want to talk to you. Ever. I only said yes to being partners in English because I was being nice."

"But...but I..." Her eyes started leaking tears, and I felt bad for only a moment before turning away. _It's for the best. She would have gotten heartbroken anyway...right?_ I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Hey, what the hell do you think you're doing, leaving her crying like that?"

"She was harassing me! I had to do _something_! What did you want me to do? Suffer through it?" I could feel my anger start to build. I was worried that if I started to repeat 'the sun, the moon, the truth', it would set me off again. _You promised, and you're keeping your promises this time. You won't punch her._

 _'The sun, the moon, the truth.'_ I closed my eyes to help me concentrate. "Hey! Are you listening to me?" I felt her hand descend onto my shoulder, and before I knew what was happening, my reflexes took over. She cried out as blood spurted from her nose. "What the hell?" She screamed.

Hayden looked at me, shocked, for a few seconds before scowling. She drew her fist back and punched me square in the jaw. I reacted without thinking. I winced as my fist connected with her face. _She's going to get a black eye from that._ I thought that she would back off, but she kept coming. She punched me again, and I went to retaliate, but my wrist was caught.

I looked at the hand that was holding my arm and was looking at my English teacher. Her eyes held an accusing sadness. I felt everything snap back into focus. I looked at Hayden and the other girl. Hayden had a bruise already starting to form around her eye. The other girl's nose was bleeding, but it didn't look broken. Her face was covered in blood, and she was sobbing into a friend's shoulder, who was glaring at me.

My teacher led Hayden and I to the principal's office. The other girl was taken to the nurse's office. We had to wait for our parents to get to the school. Hayden's mum was first. She came over and started yelling at me, but I was too empty to get angry. I just sat there. My step-dad was next, and he calmed Hayden's mother down enough that she left me alone.

"Why did you do this?" He took my hand in his, looking at the small cuts on my knuckles.

"I'm fine." I said, pulling my hand out of his. He didn't try to take it again. "I...Hayden was harassing me. I told her to go away, but she didn't get the message. I might then have been a little too harsh in what I said next, but one of Hayden's friends started attacking me for telling Hayden to go away. I tried to shut it out, but..." I sighed.

"I closed my eyes, to try and make it all go away, but she touched me, and...I snapped."

"Oh, big deal! A girl touched you, so you _punched her!_ " Hayden's mother screamed at me.

My step-dad took her away from me, and I just knew what he was telling her. _Liam's dad beat him when he was young. He doesn't handle physical contact well. He has IED, which makes him get angry. He's trying._ Every single word of it, I'd heard before, and every single word of it made me feel weak - like a victim and a failure.

My mother came in next. She looked at Hayden, frowned and kneeled in front of me. Her hands slid over my knees. "Honey, I thought you were getting better? What happened to that other boy?" I looked at her hands, not wanting to meet her eyes. She tilted my chin, and I flicked my eyes to hers before sliding them away. "Liam, honey, talk to me. What happened to the boy you met yesterday?"

"He's not here today. Did you talk to dad?"

"Not yet, honey, why?"

"I...I don't to say what happened again." My shoulders fell. I knew that it wouldn't please her, hearing this, but I just couldn't tell her.

"Okay, honey." She looked sad, but she stood and talked to dad.

Hayden's father came and we were all ushered into the principal's office. "Thank you for coming. I heard of what happened from some of the students nearby." He looked at me first. "The girl you hit first was harassing you, yes?"

"They both were." I said, and Hayden's mother looked at me like I'd just stripped naked in front of her.

"How dare you accuse my daughter of-"

"I'm sorry," the principal interrupted her, "but can we please keep our voices down? People still have classes. In any case, I am trying to take into account everything everyone says here. Please wait until I address you."

She looked annoyed, but she sat down. I was still feeling too numb to get angry. I knew that if I wasn't, things would be going very differently. I also knew that if I'd still been angry, nothing of anyone in this room would be left. The principal turned back to me. "How was Hayden harassing you?"

"She kept trying to talk to me after I asked her to leave me alone."

It was Hayden's father this time who got upset. "That's no reason to-" One look from the principal was enough to make him snap his mouth shut. _Meek. A coward. Probably ruled by his wife._

He turned to Hayden next and spoke directly to her. "Is this why he hit you?"

"No, he hit me because I hit him because he hit the other girl." Her parents looked at her, shocked. "I wasn't expecting him to retaliate."

"Do you agree that you were harassing him?"

"No." I felt my jaw drop. _How on Earth could she think that she wasn't harassing me? She was **so** harassing me._ I didn't say anything, though. I knew that there was no point - if she thought she'd done no wrong, she wasn't going to listen to reason.

"Well, even though you feel this way, you both must be punished for your actions. Detention for the rest of the week, both at lunch and after school."

"Okay." I was fully willing to accept that punishment, even if it meant that I couldn't go to work for the rest of the week, or go home straight after school on Fri- "Wait, try-outs for lacrosse are on Friday after school. What about that? I can't go without lacrosse. And then Brett's coming over." I could see that mum was going to argue that he couldn't come over since I'd gotten in trouble. "He promised me."

"And I've got soccer try-outs on Wednesday."

"Alright. If you get written permission, you can go to your try-outs. Sports are important."

"Thank you." I said honestly. "I'll have to call work and tell them I can't come in this week."

"Good. Now, this won't happen again, right?"

"I don't know...we're partners in English, and her locker's right next to mine." I hoped that both of those issues would be taken care of before my life turned into a nightmare.

"Okay. Did you have anyone you wanted to team up with?"

"Brett. He's in my class too. We're friends."

"Okay, I'll see what I can do. Unfortunately, we don't have any spare lockers, but I'm sure you'll be able to manage?"

"Yeah. Thanks. I really appreciate this." I looked over at Hayden. "Sorry."

"You think an apology makes this all better?" Hayden's mother screeched. I closed my eyes and sighed. These people were not people I'd want to associate with. Hayden flinched at her mother's screaming, looking like she just wanted to disappear.

"Please keep your voice down, ma'am. As I said, we have students trying to study. I would also appreciate it if you didn't shout at our students."

"I-yes, principal." She submitted like a school-girl. _Maybe she just wants someone to...dominate her?_ It was a strange thought, one I'd never really had before, but it made sense. Why else would she be acting like this? _Discipline. That's what she wants. It's how she treats her daughter._ I was surprising myself - I knew I was observant, but I never thought that I would be so invasive. _It's rude to think this kind of thing._

 _But still..._ I knew I was right. We exited the principal's office and I called my boss.

"Hey, sorry, but I won't be able to come into work this week. I just got detention for the week. It's in the afternoons after school. I'm okay for Saturday, though."

"Well, alright then. But isn't it the first week?"

"Yeah...got in a fight. Not a serious one. It won't be a regular occurrence. I'm getting better."

My boss sighed. "Alright, Liam, I'll get someone else to cover for you."

"Thanks." We ended our call and I headed off to my next class; Art. I wasn't particularly good at it, but it was fun. Not much happened. We were sketching still-lifes. Mine looked like a misshapen guitar. Then, school was over and I went to detention. Hayden and another guy were the only other people there.

I sat as far away from Hayden as possible. The teacher up front told us what we were going to be doing for the next hour of our lives. "For detention today, you'll be writing out pages of the dictionary." She set a dictionary in front of each of us.

  


I got home and collapsed into bed. My mum knocked on the door. "Honey, do you want to talk to me?"

"No. I'm tired."

"Okay." She came in and kissed my forehead. I sighed and closed my eyes. I grabbed my laptop from under my bed and started to type, but I fell asleep before I finished. I woke up a few hours later and kept writing. I finished before going back to sleep again.

"Tomorrow." I whispered. "Tomorrow, I'll clear this all up." I thought about calling, but it was already seven-thirty, and he'd said not to call after seven. Thoughts kept swirling around in my head. _Why didn't he tell me that he wouldn't be at school? Why didn't he even send a text? Had his mother confiscated his phone? What was he doing all day? Why every Tuesday? Was he really a straight A student? Why did he go overseas?Did his parents send him there? Did he run away?_

_Oh my God, Liam, you're being ridiculous. Just go to sleep already._

But I couldn't. Everything was weighing down on me. I opened my laptop again and looked up webpages on gas-lighting and child abuse, domestic abuse, and everything I saw gave me cause to get worried. He might not have been a victim of gas-lighting, but he certainly was a victim of _something_.

_Don't get carried away here, Liam. He might not be the victim of anything. You don't have all the information yet. Just wait until tomorrow._

I closed my laptop again, but still my mind wouldn't rest. _What if him not being able to leave the house is some form of mental abuse? What if sending him overseas was some kind of message to him? Where did he go? What did he do? What if the days off school are so that he can go to some form of emotional therapy, in which he's taught to only obey?_

_Okay, Liam. You're really getting carried away here. Just go to sleep._

_But what do I do if I'm right?_ All of the emotional stress from the day crashed down on me in that moment. All of the anger and the worry, the frustration - everything came crumbling down around me and I started to cry. I just couldn't handle it.

My phone vibrated. I looked at it, and my heart jumped when I saw that it was Brett. I opened it, even though it was almost midnight. **Hey, sorry I didn't pick up your calls. I was busy. Talk tomorrow.** I was flooded with relief. _He's okay. He's alive. We'll sort this out tomorrow._ My fingers were shaking so much, I had to type my reply five times. **Okay. I'm glad you're safe.**

My phone didn't go off again, but I guessed that it was because he'd fallen asleep. _And you should be doing the same thing, Liam. Come on, you still have school tomorrow._ I sighed and shifted on my mattress. My mind was still abuzz with possibilities, but they faded eventually, leaving weird and wonderful dreams in their wake.

_Brett was standing across the classroom, in his clothes of yesterday. I tried to run to him, but I couldn't reach him. I only wanted him to be there, by my side, but no matter how fast or far I ran, he stayed the same distance away. I stopped, hands resting on my knees, chest heaving. I looked up at him and he smiled. He reached across the distance and his hand settled softly on my cheek. "Wake up, little monkey." I frowned. That was what my mother had called me, because I'd climb on everything. _  
_"What?" I called out to him. He withdrew his hand, and I tried to hold onto it. His fingers slipped across mine like fish, and he was gone. "No, Brett! Come back!"___

_"Wake up, honey. It's time to get ready for school."_


	3. Day 3 - Sex, Drugs and Alcohol

I jumped out of bed when my mother shook me. "Wake up, honey. It’s time to get ready for school." She opened my blinds as she spoke, throwing my room into the light.

I groaned and threw an arm over my face. "Why can’t you leave it closed? I’d open it myself later anyway."

She snorted. "Yeah right." She kissed my cheek. "Breakfast is downstairs. I have to go to work now, but I want to talk to you when you get home." She tossed me some clothes. "Have a good day at school."

"You too. Have a good day at work, I mean." I kissed her cheek as I entered my bathroom, stripping and getting into the shower. The warm water was nice, seeing as the air outside was getting close to ten degrees. I stood under the flow for just a little too long, letting it wash away all of the worry of yesterday. _I’ll need plenty of room for the worries of today._

I stepped out of the shower, hurriedly drying myself. I dressed in the clothes my mother had given me and stumbled downstairs, still half-asleep. "Hey dad."

"Hi, Liam. How are you feeling?" He had the newspaper in front of him and a bowl of cereal. His coffee mug was half-empty already.

"Yeah, alright. Weird dreams. You’ve already drunk a lot of coffee. Long night?" I picked it up and took a sip, not bothering making my own. I wouldn’t drink a whole cup anyway.

He glared at me, but this was our routine when he was here, so he didn’t say anything about it. "Yeah. I was up all night with the elderly ward. They had some trouble over there. Some idiot came to visit their grandmother with a cold and we had an outbreak."

"Damn, you’d think people would realise that older people are more susceptible to that kind of thing." I picked up some toast and spread it with peanut butter. "I know you’ll probably want to talk to me too, but can until wait until this afternoon? I’m meeting Brett outside school this morning."

"Okay. Sure. See you later."

I pulled my shoes on, toast hanging out of my mouth. "Have a good day!" I called as my bus stopped outside our house.

"You too!"

I sat on the bus, as usual, next to Mason. "Hi Mase. How are you doing?"

"I’m well, thank you. How are you?"

"Good." My phone went off. "Hang on a second. Probably left something important at home again or something." I checked the ID and it was Brett. "Apparently not. It’s Brett."

Mason sighed. "Go ahead." I looked at him apologetically before taking the call.

"Hey Brett."

"Hi Liam. Uh…I know you were worried about me yesterday, but you didn’t have to be. I’m not going to be here any Tuesday."

"Yeah. I know. I talked to our English teacher. Where did you go?"

Brett sighed on the other end of the line. "I’d...rather not tell you. Look, just...talk to me when you get here, alright? We have study first, right? I’ll be in the library."

"Okay." He hung up, and I pocketed my phone. I turned to Mason, who looked very confused. "Time to get some answers, Mase. Then, I’ll tell you, promise. I just want to know everything before running my mouth."

He looked at me sceptically. “Alright then.” He sighed finally, the bus pulling up at the school.

We hopped off the bus and I bid Mason farewell, going to the library. My heart jumped into my throat when I saw Brett sitting there, still in one piece. I was filled with relief. I walked over stiffly and sat next to him, recognising Jacob from the other day. He’d said to call him JJ, but that had been directed at Brett. I decided to try it out, see if it was okay for me to use it too. "Hey, Brett, JJ." He bristled, and I knew immediately that it was only okay for Brett to use. I felt a little defensive, even though Brett and I weren’t dating.

"Hi, Liam." Brett said cheerily.

"Li’s fine." I said, surprising myself. I sat down and looked at Jacob. He was glaring at me, so I knew he knew what I was doing.

"Okay, Li." He turned to Jacob. "Can you give us a minute?" Jacob glared at me again, but took his books elsewhere. Brett turned back to me. "What are you smiling about?"

"Oh, nothing." I bit the inside of my cheek to stop myself from laughing.

Brett frowned, but continued. "So, about yesterday...sorry I didn’t tell you. I-"

Jacob walked behind Brett. "What happened yesterday?" Brett tensed up, but I chalked that up to being surprised.

He smiled tightly and turned to the other boy. "Uh, JJ, didn’t I ask you if we could have a minute?" _Geez, he’s patient. I would have snapped at him._ Jacob scowled at me yet again and slunk off back to his books. Brett watched him go. "Man, he’s nosy." He turned back to me. "Sorry about that. Anyway, sorry, I don’t usually tell people about my Tuesdays. My mother sends me to a councillor, thinks I need it."

I could see the lie in his face. He looked so guilty. "You know, you are a terrible liar. But okay. If you don’t want to tell me where you go, fine. But at least tell me-" I stopped when I saw Jacob walk behind Brett again. "Hang on a sec." I stood up and walked to Jacob, who was looking at the shelves, suddenly interested in junior fiction. "Jacob." He turned to me, looking surprised.

"Yes, Li?"

"Look, I know what you’re doing, but I’d really appreciate it if you left Brett alone, even if just for a few minutes. Yes, I find him attractive, but I’m not going to just swoop in and steal him from underneath you, okay? Besides," I looked back at Brett, "I don’t think he’s really into you anyway. But, um, I know some other attractive gay guys if you want to-"

"No thanks. You just want him for yourself." He pointed a finger in my face. "Well, I’m not backing down so easily, _Li_." He turned on his heel and walked off, swaying his hips – probably for Brett’s benefit.

"What was all that about?" Brett’s voice startled me.

"He likes you." His eyebrows raised. "You didn’t know? He was pretty obvious."

"He’s not really my type. You okay? And uh, do you really wanna be called Li?"

"Yes to both of those questions. I’ve never been called Li before, but I kind of like it. So...yeah, I remember. At least tell me that your parents treat you right without lying. If you can’t do that..."

"Yeah, I know." He straightened his shoulders and looked down at me with a straight face. "My parents don’t treat me right, but they’re trying." He gripped my shoulders, and I was surprised to find that I wasn’t bothered by it. "They don’t know how to parent any better than you or I."

"But do they listen? That’s so important, Brett. Do they listen to how you feel?"

"Sometimes...my mother can be really stubborn."

I frowned. There she was again. Brett’s mother. “Yeah...listen, you don’t have to answer, but why did you go to Europe?"

Brett looked uncomfortable for a few seconds before sighing. He slid his hands from my shoulders, trailing his fingers down my arms. "She sent me on a trip to go on a string of dates with _girls_." He rolled his eyes. "Tons of girls. Do you know how many dates you can cram into three years? It’s a lot. I’m surprised she found so many girls. Some of them were nice. Some weren’t. Some were just desperate. I ditched some, traumatised others and made an all-out fool of myself. I went out to parties and...probably fucked myself over, but I kissed, fucked, drank and-"

"No. No, don’t say you did drugs. Don’t. Just don’t."

He looked sad for a moment before answering. His fingers were still slightly touching mine. "Not hard-core ones. A bit of LSD. Weed. I didn’t get addicted to anything." I sighed and leant against the shelf, pulling my fingers away. Drugs. Just weed and LSD. Totally not the root of all of my problems. I closed my eyes. "Li, I’m sorry if I disappointed you-"

His fingers brushed my shoulder, and my eyes snapped open. His mouth snapped shut and he withdrew his hand - I must have looked either really scary or really scared. "Disappointed? You’ve more than disappointed me, Brett. I’m ready to walk out right now. Give me one reason I shouldn’t."

Brett's voice was soft, soothing - and damn if it didn't do something to me. I cursed my over-active hormones and desire for comfort. "Because I heard you started a fight yesterday. That you punched two girls. That disappointed me. You promised."

I sighed, looking down at my shoes. That was reason enough. "I tried, but she was in my face."

Brett was quiet for a few seconds. "Alright." He shifted his weight, looking unsure of himself. “Do you want a hug?” I wasn’t sure. Yesterday, I would have said hell yes, but today...I breathed deeply, thinking about it. It was a full three minutes before I gave my answer.

"Yeah." He smiled and wrapped his arms around me. It felt good. My face was turned to the side so that I could still breathe, because if I hadn't, I would be trying to breathe Brett in, and that would probably have ended badly. His fingers curled around my waist, bushing my sides, which sent shivers up my spine. He stayed mostly upright, but he was leaning over slightly so that his chin was resting gently on the top of my head. I took a moment to notice how Brett smelled - like lilies and lotus flowers. It was nice. I brought my arms around him, knowing that Jacob would be glaring at me. He seemed ready to hold me all day, but I pulled away from him just seconds later. "Thanks for telling me. Even if I’m not happy with your choices, it’s not really my place to be. You’re a good guy, Brett."

"Thanks. You’re not too bad yourself." He bit his lip, his eyes shifting across my face uncertainly. "I should go and see if JJ’s okay."

"Yep. Good luck."

Brett laughed. "I’ll probably need it." He walked over to Jacob, who seemed to be fuming like a steam train. His face was red. I heard a little of their conversation by accident (it _was_ accidental, I swear) and heard him ask Brett out on a date.

"Sorry, man, but you’re really not my type."

His head snapped up, and he pinned Brett with an intense look filled to the brim with hurt and anger. It actually felt like it was stabbing me in the chest, it was so intense - and it wasn't even directed at me. "But _Li_ is?"

"I barely know him. Besides, what makes you so sure I’m gay?" Jacob blushed crimson and spluttered out excuses. Brett smiled at him, chuckling a little. "Uh huh. Good to know."

I almost burst out laughing, but I held it in. I made it back to my stuff without dying and opened my English book. Brett materialised next to me a few minutes later. "Oh, that’s right. We’re partners for that now. Did you want to work on it when I come over on Friday?" Jacob had been walking over, red-faced, but he now groaned and fled our vicinity.

I winced. "He’s probably going to cry now. I feel kind of bad about that."

"I don’t. He was annoying. Not a nice guy, either. He was the jealous type."

"Right." I thought back to the flicker of jealousy I’d felt this morning. "I’m glad you’re okay. I was worried your mother was going to kill you for just talking to me."

Brett smiled. "Nah. She wouldn’t do that." He looked down at my book. "Is that your idea for the story we have to write?"

I blushed. "Yeah, but we can use yours if you want."

"No way! This is awesome! I’m totally doing this with you. 'All of our friends in a zombie apocalypse'? Hells yeah! Have you started already?"

I blushed even more. "Yeah. I’ve already written Mason. He plays so many zombie games, you’d think he’d want to be in one."

He beamed at me, and I had to fight with my brain so as not to pop a boner right in front of him. "That’s great. Mine was pretty bad."

"Let me see." He handed me his book. "'Lydia is a lesbian princess, and her dad wants to marry her to Isaac'." I smiled. "A lesbian princess? How original."

"Hey, I didn’t make fun of yours. Not that I’d want to...anyway, show me what you’ve got." He took my book and read my basic story outline. It was supposed to be a short story, so I’d – we’d – really have to work to keep it to the word limit, but we’d get there. I’d already started with a few lines of text on the other page, and I patiently waited while he read that too. It was nowhere near perfect yet, but it was a good enough starter.

He nodded slowly. "You’re a good writer. Passion of yours?"

I felt my face heat up yet again. "Yeah. I want to be a professional writer when I get out of school. Is it...really that good?"

"Yeah. Definitely. I’d read it."

"Cool. I’ve got more on my laptop at home, if you want to read some more. I could e-mail you the rest of it. It’s starting to come together already."

"Yeah, that’d be great. Thanks."

"No problem. You’ll have to write the parts for your friends before Friday, though. I need to know generally what they’re like before even attempting to write them."

"Sure thing. I’ll get on that tonight."

"Cool."

The rest of the lesson, we mostly minded our own business. He was doing what looked like chemistry, and I was doing my math homework. We parted ways with another hug - brief but enjoyable. "See you later."

"You too."

  


Biology passed mostly uneventfully, but when I went out to my locker, Hayden was waiting for me. I got my lunch and tried to leave, but she stopped me with a hand on my shoulder.

"I..." She blushed bright red, pushed a note in my hands and ran away. I frowned and opened it. _I’m sorry for the way I acted yesterday, and I’m sorry about my mum. She can be really intense._ I sighed and sent Mason a text. **Go have lunch with Brett. I won’t make it.**

It took only seconds for the reply to come. **Why?**

**I’m spending lunch with someone else.**

**Who?** I laughed, but decided to ignore him. I went to find Hayden.

  


Hayden was in the back corner of the cafeteria. "Hey, Hayden." She looked like a deer caught in headlights. She was sitting with the girl from yesterday, who was glaring at me. "Can I sit here?"

"Uh...sure, but...why would you want to?"

I sighed and took the piece of paper out of my pocket. "If you don’t get the wrong idea, I’m willing to be friends." I slid into the seat next to Hayden. "Your mother’s really a tough lady, isn’t she?"

"Yeah. Sorry about how she treated you. You didn’t deserve her yelling, even if you did punch me."

"I think he deserves someone yelling at him. I think he deserves a lot more than that."

"Look, I’m sorry that I punched you, but you don’t know why I did." I looked down at my hands. I hated saying this. It was so routine.

"Well?" I could tell that she was getting impatient.

"You know, it’s not that easy to-" _Woah, reign it in. Don’t snap at her again._ "It’s not that easy to say. Especially to someone who’s name I don’t know."

This was a common stalling tactic. It meant that I didn’t have to say the bad things just yet. "My name’s Jasmine." She held her hand out, but I shrank back from it. She scowled at me. "That’s rude."

"And I’m trying really hard not to punch you again. You do know that some people _really_ don’t like being touched, right?"

My words made something click. "Oh. Oh, I’m so-"

"Don’t worry about it. People don’t really think about it, usually." I didn’t want her to apologise. I knew that I was in the wrong. "I should go."

I stood and took my stuff. I recognised that I probably didn’t handle that well, but it didn’t really matter. I didn’t need to be friends with those girls.

I went to the library, and Mason and Brett were there. "Hey guys."

"Thought you weren’t going to make it."

"Yeah, I changed my mind." I sat down. "Went to see Hayden. Don’t think it went as well as I hoped."

Mason raised his eyebrows at me. "How were you hoping it would go?"

"Well, I was kinda hoping I’d not get mad at her friend again, but it turns out she’s really annoying."

"Did you punch her again?"

"Nope. Left before I could." Mason looked worried, and I rolled my eyes at him. "I’m not good talking to girls, you know that."

Mason looked worried. "Do I need to go and apologise on your behalf?"

I sighed and rubbed my eyes. "It wouldn’t hurt. Maybe. Ugh. I can’t be bothered dealing with people." I rested my head on my forearms. "Today is a day I’d rather be at home." Mason looked pained before taking my hand and squeezing it.

"I’ll be back."

Brett watched him go. "He seems nice."

"Yeah." I turned and looked at him. Mason walked by Corey, and they shared a look. "I hope his date goes well."

"Date?" Brett looked surprised. "I thought he was your boyfriend?"

I shook my head. "Nah. He’s not really my type, and even if he was, he’s not interested." I looked down at my hands. "I guess, though, you’re wondering why he touched me like that." Brett nodded sheepishly. "I like to know when people are going to touch me. When I don’t know, I kinda freak out."

"Oh, that's why you looked scared earlier. Sorry about that." He looked down at his hands before nodding again. "Okay. Good to know. No touching unless I let you know before hand. Got it."

I smiled. "You don’t really need to announce it, just…take it slow."

"Okay. Are there any places where I can’t touch you, where you don’t like it?"

"Avoid the sides. And uh....lower back."

He nodded slowly, seemingly filing away the information. "Alright. Don’t touch my neck. I hate it."

"Cool. Be hard for me to reach anyway."

"Yeah. Shortie." He kicked me under the table, just lightly.

I blushed and punched him lightly in the arm. "Ass."

"Why yes, I do have one. I’m told it’s quite nice." I hid my face in my hands as it turned bright red, laughing. Brett laughed with me. I was glad that he didn’t ask why I didn’t like being touched. I was still not okay with that.

Mason came back. "She said you were fine and that she totally understood that she was being a bitch. So, what happened? She looked really put-out."

"Hayden was waiting for me at my locker, and she handed me a note saying sorry. I _wanted_ to say that it was all fine, and that we could be friends if she wanted, but what came out was basically 'I’m going to tell you why I punched you. You’re being really annoying, I’m trying not to punch you again'." I put my face in my hands. "I told you I’m not good at talking to people."

Brett raised his eyebrows. "So, she didn’t do anything?"

I sighed. "There was more to it than that, but sometimes...no one really has to. If you catch me in the wrong mood, try to talk to me when I’m nervous or anxious, surprise me, anything like that, I might get mad at you. Just like that."

Brett took a minute to digest that information. "So...no surprises, then. I’ll make sure to remember that when it’s your birthday. When is that, by the way?"

I swallowed. I didn’t like telling people because they usually organised surprise parties, and I got mad and usually punched someone in the face. Mason’s hand brushed mine. "Liam, you’ve gone a million miles away again."

"Sorry."

"You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. But if you tell me, I promise not to tell anyone else, and I won’t throw you a surprise party."

I bit my lip. "Just to make sure...for my fifth birthday, my mum decided that she wouldn’t tell me that she was inviting my friends over. I got really, really anxious and jumped at everything. When they brought out the cake, I freaked, punched the nearest kid in the face and ran."

Brett’s mouth hung open. "Right, got it. No surprise parties. Cross my heart and hope to die. Or get punched in the face. Which seems to be a running theme."

I smiled. "Great. It’s the seventh of March. When’s yours?"

"Ninth of May. You can throw me a surprise party if you want. I don’t mind surprises."

"Okay. Good to know."

Brett smiled. "So, only a month away, huh? You know I’m already planning something, right? I love parties."

I smiled briefly before getting really guarded. _Because you get drunk and high?_ Brett noticed my expression, and so did Mason. "What’s wrong?"

Brett looked at Mason as if he’d just realised that he was there. "Uh, Mason...can I talk to Liam alone for a sec?"

Mason frowned, but agreed. He drifted off - probably to talk to Corey while watching me like a hawk. "What happened? Why did you get like that?"

I bit my lip, not sure how to continue. I didn’t want to offend him but bringing it up again, but I needed to make sure... _he’s not dad._

His hand slid slowly over mine. "Li, whatever it is, you can tell me, okay?"

I nodded, but pulled my hand out from under his. "Do you like parties because it means you can get drunk and high?"

"No." He looked down at his hand, now empty. "Li, why does it mean so much to you?"

I sighed. I wasn’t ready to tell him everything, but he deserved to know the base issue. "Someone close to me...they got drunk and/or high often and...a lot of the time, they’d get violent. It scared me a lot."

Brett’s eyes were soft. "Okay." He turned around and waved Mason back over. "Issue solved." He glanced over at me. "I think." My hands were clasped and I was breathing heavily.

I knew what was happening. "Mason." I didn’t need to say anything else - my tone of voice told him exactly what was happening. He glanced at Brett and frowned. He took my hand in his and sank to the floor with me. He shielded my body from sight and spoke lowly in my ear.

"It’s okay. Just breathe. Breathe with me, Liam."

"Li."

Mason pulled back. "What?"

"Call…call me…Li."

"Alright, Li. Li, you’re okay. Remember, in and out, okay?" The sound of that name made me calm down.

"Li? Are you okay?" Brett was crouched next to me, and I clenched my fist in his shirt. Hearing him say that name made all of everything fade. I could feel myself start to calm down. Even so, it was a few minutes before I gathered myself and slowed my breathing back into the normal range.

I nodded. "I’m okay." I breathed in and out slowly. "I’m okay." I let go of Brett’s shirt.

"Was that a panic attack?" I nodded. "Why?"

"Talking about that kind of makes me relive it and..."

"I’m sorry."

"It’s not your fault. It’s okay. I’m okay."

Brett shook his head. "I should have known. I’m sorry." Mason raised his eyebrows at me, but I shot him down. He smiled at me, eyebrows still raised. I glared at him and he stuck his tongue out at me. "What are you doing?"

"Oh don’t worry, Mason’s just being a best friend." I held my hand out. "Help me off the floor?"

Brett took my hand and pulled me off the floor. He gave me a hug. "I really am sorry. You should tell me if anything’s like that for you."

I nodded. "Okay." Mason’s eyebrows were climbing even higher. "Oh, shut up."

Brett bulled back, stunned. "What?"

I looked pointedly at Mason. I smacked him in the shoulder. "We’re just friends." I hissed in his ear.

Mason nodded, grinning. "Sure. See you later, Li." He called in a sing-song voice as he walked away.

"Goddamn bastard." I grumbled. Brett laughed.

"Isaac’s a bit like that, you know? He can sometimes be a real bastard. He can be really bratty too."

"I'm sure." I remembered Isaac and Stiles in the bathroom before. _But he can be soft and kind too._ "Anyway, we should get to our next classes. Where are you next?"

"Physics."

"You're doing both chemistry and physics? What kind of crazy person are you?"

"Actually, I'm doing all three sciences. Biology, chemistry, and physics. And calculus. As well as higher level English with lower level."

"But that's all of your classes."

"Yep."

"Do you have any fun?"

"Oh yeah." My mind drifted to drugs, and he must have been able to see the thought process, because he stopped me, hands firmly gripping my shoulders. "Li, that...when I took those drugs, I was in a bad place. I don't do that any more. I was being rebellious because my parents wanted me to fit into a little box. And while that little box is still there, I've realised that being rebellious isn't the way to jump clear of it."

"So, no more alcohol and drugs?"

"I'm not making any promises on alcohol, but no drugs." I stiffened when he said that he wouldn't stop drinking alcohol. His hands were still on my shoulders, so he felt it. "Li, alcohol doesn't make people bad, the people drinking it are already that way." I pulled back from him and walked quickly to class.

  


"Liam! Liam, wait up." I didn't have to look to know it was Brett. I stiffened. I knew he'd catch up to me eventually. _Why do I have to find tall guys so attractive?_ I sighed and stopped in the hall, shoulders down. "Li." I flinched at the name, finding no comfort in it now. He frowned down at me. "Fine, Liam. What did I say?"

"Nothing." I tried to push past him, but he gripped my arm. I was ready to rip out of his grip and run. I almost did.

"Liam."

"What?" I snapped back at him. It was his turn to flinch. I didn't blame him. My anger had the intensity of the colour red.

"Liam, I know I said something to upset you. What is it?"

"It's not your business to know, Brett. You said it yourself - you barely know me. Back off." I wrenched my arm from his grip, dismayed to find that it was lose enough for me to pull away easily. I nearly tripped over my feet getting to my next class. Art again - safe. No Brett here. I was wrong. Halfway through class, Brett came in.

I glared at him as he sat down at my bench. There was a girl at my table too, but a heavy look from Brett fixed that problem. She flitted off to the other side of the room to do who knows what."What are you doing here?"

He sighed softly, looking like he wanted to reach out and touch me. He didn't, and I was glad for that - I would have pulled away and shut down again, probably snapped too. I'm so much better at dealing with the anger when I don't have to deal with people touching me too. "Liam, I'm getting the highest grades possible in all of my classes, I can step out of any one I like. And I stepped out of Extension English to find out what it is that I've said to upset you."

 _Show off..._ "It doesn't-"

"It matters to me."

I sighed, knowing that he wasn't going away until I told him what it was that had upset me. "When I told you about why I wasn't okay with people around me drinking or doing drugs, I said that it was because it was someone close to me who got violent. Someone close, Brett. For years of my life, I loved them, thought they were someone they weren't. Everyone did. I thought...I thought he loved me too." I swallowed. "Turns out I was wrong."

"Okay. No alcohol either, at least around you. Is that a deal? I can drink when you're not around."

"No. That's even worse. I'd rather I was around in case you decide it's a good idea to walk in front of a bus." I saw his expression change. "Don't laugh - I've seen someone do it. I've also seen someone get depressed, get drunk and then have sex with - how many was it - six...no, seven people. Woke up the next morning with three STI's. Two of them incurable." I looked at him. "Don't get drunk."

Brett frowned. "You've seen a lot of shit, haven't you?"

"Yeah. I've taken measures to make sure that I don't get into that kind of trouble. Even though I'll probably die because I pick a fight with the wrong guy - or pillar of concrete. Don't laugh at that, either. I have, once, kicked a pillar of concrete reinforced with steel. Wouldn't recommend it. I uh...broke every bone in my foot." I could see him try to hold it in, but it was a battle he was losing.

He burst out laughing. "I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't but - that's just so you."

"Well, I'm glad one of us feels better." I grumbled, looking away before turning back.

Brett frowned again, the lines creasing his forehead - he still managed to look absolutely gorgeous, though. "You aren't?"

"Not really. My emotions are kind of all over the place, and I'm ready to have another breakdown right about now." I glanced at his face. He looked guilty. "Don't worry - my last best friend gave me five panic attacks and two anxiety attacks in one day. You're doing well, considering."

"What was he doing?"

"She, and she was going rock climbing. After that, she decided that it would be a great idea to peer pressure me into doing abseiling. She didn't know about my IED at that point, and when she tried to comfort me, I ran into the forest nearby and hid until two days later. It was quite peaceful out there, actually. Despite being hungry, I really enjoyed it."

"Don't you think that's a bit...extreme?"

"Not really. Look, no matter what I tell you in passing, I've done worse."

"So then, what's the worst you've done?" That was _definitely_ the wrong question. Everything went black, and I remembered the bone cracking under my fist. I had just been trying to protect my mother, but everything had gone wrong. He'd come along just after dad had gone, and he'd seemed nice at first. Then, he brought alcohol into the house - _our_ house. When I'd tried to tell him to leave, he turned on me, threatened to rape her. I'd pushed him back, not wanting to hurt him. My grip had been slipping, so I drew on all my anger, and I punched him as hard as I could. I felt the bones cracking under my fist, and even then, I'd known he wouldn't live. Mum had called an ambulance, but we'd both known. I'd stood before a court, but they ruled that it was self-defence. I'd killed someone, and they were passing it off as an accident. I'd sent my own soul to purgatory for that. I'd spent months doing nothing but the most boring tasks, getting my homework done, reading historical texts and doing all the chores. I'd gotten thin and weedy, accentuated by my height. My cheeks had hollowed, and my eyes had sunk into my skull. When I smiled, it never reached my eyes. I'm pretty sure my mum thought I was going to die. It was what I wanted, but I wasn't going to kill myself - my mum needed me. So I did everything I'd hated before, and found a strange comfort in feeling no joy. Eventually, I'd dragged myself out of that slump. But it had taken time. So much time.

"Liam. Li, I don't know what to do." I looked around through the dark spots in my vision. We were in the bathroom. I saw Brett and reached for him. I must have seriously misjudged where he was, because his hand caught mine out of the air. "I'm here, Li, but I don't know what to do. Tell me what to do."

"Br...brea...the." My breath was coming in short, hot gasps.

"Breathe?" I nodded. It was painful. My head was spinning. "Okay." He put my hand on his chest. His heart was racing. I felt his chest rise and fall in a steady rhythm. I followed it with my own breaths. At first, they stuttered in and out of my lungs before becoming steadier. It was still too short, but I was going to be okay.

"I'm..." I coughed. "I'm okay. Thanks."

"Li..." He looked like he was ready to cry. He pulled me into his arms. "Li, I'm so sorry. I didn't know I'd set you off like that. I'm so sorry." I felt his fingers push up into my hair. "I'm sorry." I felt something warm on my neck. _He's actually crying._

"It's okay. It's not your fault." I wrapped my arms around him. "There's just so much I can't tell you. Not that I don't want to, but I just...I can't."

"I understand. It's okay." There was a pause, where I could hear only his heartbeat. "I'm so sorry, Li." He pulled back and looked at me, and I was struck by how beautiful he looked with glistening eyes. "I really want to be friends with you, Liam. You...you forgive me, right?"

"Yeah. Like I said, Brett, it's not your fault." I really wanted to kiss him, but we barely knew each other. And he might freak out. I just had no idea. So I just smiled at him as he got slowly to his feet. He held out his hand and helped me to my feet. I was surprised to hear the bell. "Is it really lunch time already?"

"No. Li, it's time to go home. Do...do you want me to take you home?"

"No, I'll take the bus." My knees felt weak. _How long was I hyperventilating? Why didn't I faint? Did I faint?_ I turned to ask him, but I collapsed under my own weight.

"Li?" Brett caught me as the floor rushed up to meet me. I looked up into his face, dazed.

"What...how long was I...did I...?"

"Li, maybe you should take my offer." He sounded concerned. "You look really pale."

I tried to get up again. "I...I'm fine. Just...help me out to my locker, okay?"

Brett frowned, but did as I asked. When we reached my locker, I sighed, leaning against it, the cool metal soothing my rising temperature. "Are you okay?" He looked around. "Stay here, okay, Li? I'll be back. Just...don't move."

 _Not like I could anyway._ I tried to open my locker, but the numbers were swimming in my vision. Brett came back with Mason.

"Liam? Liam, how are you holding up? Brett told me what happened." He glared at Brett for a few seconds, and Brett looked like he was blaming himself again.

"Not...not his...fault." I was having trouble breathing again. Mason gripped my shoulders and lowered me to the ground. "Mase?"

"Yeah, I'm here. It's okay."

 _What was it that I said I would say? Come on, Liam. You can do this. It was only a few words. What were they?_ "The...prom...promise."

"What?" He looked frantically at Brett, where my eyes were resting. "What's he talking about?"

Brett frowned in confusion before gently moving Mason out of the way. "You mean 'the sun, the moon, the truth', right?" I nodded vigorously, banging my head painfully on the lockers. His hand slipped around to hold the back of my head. "Okay. You know what it is now, right? You can say it on your own?"

I swallowed, feeling like my mouth was full of cotton balls. "'Sun, the moon, the truth.'" I swallowed heavily and said it again. "'Sun, moon, truth.'" I closed my eyes and felt everything snap back into focus. I stood up without any help from either Mason or Brett, even though they were both holding their arms out in case they needed to catch me.

"I should take you guys home." I opened my mouth to argue, but he held up his hand. "No arguing. I'm going to make sure you make it home safe."

I looked to Mason for support, but he was looking at me with the same stern expression. He turned that expression to Brett. "You did this, no matter what Liam says. This is your fault." I saw Brett's expression crumple.

"Mase."

"No, Liam. You could have been seriously hurt. What if you had fainted?" He turned back to Brett. "Why didn't you find me?"

"I didn't want to leave him, in case he did something unexpected."

"Unexpected like what?" He had all the intensity of an interrogator.

"I don't know! I've never dealt with _anything_ even remotely close to that before! The most I've had to deal with is someone puking on a couch while drunk, and I was pretty okay with that. And you think I was thinking clearly? Hell no! I was freaking out. Sure, I'd seen him have a mini freak-out earlier, but nothing anywhere close to _that_!" His eyes were wild, his chest heaving. I placed my hand between his shoulder blades, and it seemed to calm him down.

"Alright. Just...get us home." Brett swallowed and nodded. He took my weight, despite my arguing, and took us to his car. He was going to put me in the front with him, but Mason glared at him while taking me from his arms.

Mason pushed me into the back seat, buckled my seatbelt for me and sat next to me - too close. I pushed him away, and he moved over to the other side of the back seat, but he looked ready to throw himself between Brett and I at the first sign of anything.

The drive to my house was silent. Mason was stony and tense, and Brett looked like he was made out of glass. "Brett..."

"Don't, Li. Let me just get you home." Tears shone in his eyes, unshed.

"Mase..."

"Not now, Liam." I felt very left out and like a child.

Just a block from my house, I couldn't take it any more. "I'm not getting out until we sort this out."

Mason shot me a look, but I stared him down. "Liam..."

"No, we're doing this. I just made a new friend, and there's no way I'm going to let that go just because of what happened today, okay? You know how hard it is for me to make new friends, Mase. And there's no way I'm keeping you separate, so you're sorting this out now."

Mason tried very hard to communicate with me using only looks, but I ignored him until he finally sighed. "Fine."

"Thank you. Brett?"

"Yeah."

"Alright. Mason, I know you're mad that you weren't there, but I didn't need you right then. I had Brett, and he took care of me just as well as you do."

"But-"

"Nope. No buts, Mase. He did a good job."

Mason glared at me, but then turned to Brett. "You did a good job."

"Thanks." Brett pulled up outside my house.

"Brett, Mason is my best friend and has been for a few months now. I know he's protective of me, and it's going to take a while for you to prove to him that you can handle being my friend. I just need you to know that you'll both share that space."

He turned around in his seat and looked Mason right in the eye. "I'm not trying to take your place." Mason bit his lip and nodded.

"Sorry I blamed you for what happened. Liam's Liam, and he'll get triggered by whatever he'll get triggered by, no matter who's around."

"That's alright. Sorry for not finding you when Liam was having a panic attack."

"That's all good." I felt the tension in the car dissipate.

"Okay. Now, Brett, can you come in with us, or do you need to get home?"

"He looked at his clock on the dash. "Sorry, but I really have to run."

"Alright. See you tomorrow?"

"Yeah." Mason and I bid Brett goodbye, thanking him for the lift. We got inside without much trouble. Mum was waiting at the table.

Her head snapped up when the door opened. "Why aren't you at detention?"

"What?" It was a few moments before it clicked that I'd missed detention. "Oh! Sorry, I had a panic attack and I forgot." That got her attention. She was suddenly buzzing around me, making sure I was breathing okay and telling me to sit down while she got me water.

"Are you okay? What was the panic attack about?"

"Dad. And...after." I didn't need to elaborate on that one, she knew exactly what I was talking about. She nodded and asked Mason to leave. He did, telling me that he'd call me later.

Mum sat next to me and pulled me in close. "I'll call the principal and tell him why you weren't there but...Liam, who was it that-"

"It doesn't matter who it was." I sighed. "I just want to write right now. I want to remember today, no matter how painful it is."

"Okay, sweetie." She went and got my laptop along with a few pillows and my blanket from my bed. She started making dinner, even though she knew I wouldn't eat, and dad wouldn't be back until midnight.

"Thanks mum." I opened my e-mails, and was surprised to find one from Brett.

 **I know it's probably nowhere near as good as yours, but I have a few paragraphs.** I looked at the time stamp. 11:27 - just before he came into art class.

I sighed and opened the e-mail, looking at the paragraphs. The last one was shorter, and I saw my name a few times. I decided to read it first.

**Liam, I know I've probably totally fucked everything up, but I think you're a really great guy. I'm sorry I'm closed off about my family. I know I can sometimes say the wrong thing, and I'm sorry. I'm an insensitive prick, and I hope you can forgive that. You see, I really like you, Li. It feels weird to type that, rather than say it, but you said you like it. I was wondering why you said to call you that, though I guess I might never know. If you decide to never talk to me again, I won't blame you. I just want you to know that you don't have to worry about me. I can handle myself. I can't really think of anything else to say...I guess I just sign it now, right?**

**Brett**

I smiled and read the other stuff before writing back. **That last bit sounds like a suicide letter. Maybe we can even use it. Have to say, it's the best thing I've read in a while. Better than your other stuff in any case. Your problem seems to be that you can't write from the heart. I can help you with that. I can help you with a lot of things. I asked you to call me Li because I wanted to be known as something special by just my friends. I don't think I'd be okay with my mum or my dad calling me Li. I wouldn't be okay with random people calling me that, either. It's...I don't know...a marker. The mark of 'Liam's friends'. And I am aware that that makes us sound like a cult. And I know you can handle yourself. Doesn't mean you shouldn't have anyone looking out for you. And for what it's worth, I really like you too, Brett.**

  


I was halfway through typing up my day when I got the reply e-mail from Brett. **I agree that I could learn a lot from you. I think you'll be glad to know that you actually made me cry when you said that you wanted us to have something special to call you, and it doesn't make us sound like a cult. And I think you're right about having someone looking out for me. I'm glad that it's you and Mason doing that for me. You liking me is worth a lot, Liam.**

 **You know, knowing that I made you cry does not make me happy, Brett. And yes, it most definitely make us sound like a cult.** I typed the message back and continued typing my day before it slipped away from me. My fingers flew over the keyboard, and I surprised myself with how much I wrote. _Maybe I'll get Brett to write what he thought about. If he even remembers it..._

**Whatever about the cult, and if me crying doesn't do it for you, Li, I don't know what will. Maybe I should run off into the forest for a few days.**

**No you should not, and you don't get to joke about that. She traumatised me. Maybe you should try kicking a concrete column reinforced with steel. I promise I'll be next to your hospital bed taking pictures, saying 'I told you so'**

**Oh, you will, will you? I feel so comforted.**

  


We sent messages back and forth before Mason called. I sent a quick message to Brett before closing my laptop and picking up the call.

"Hey Mase."

"Hi. How are you doing?"

"Yeah, good. Mum made dinner, but more out of habit than anything else. I've been talking to Brett, e-mailing him."

"And how's that going?" I could tell that he was trying really hard to keep his tone even.

"Mase." I said warningly.

"What? I'm trying, okay? It's just...you haven't talked about, or to anyone else all summer, and now you're all over each other. Of course I'm worried. And after that killer of a panic attack..."

"Mase, that wasn't his fault. Mase, I...you know how I asked you to call me Li?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, I know it's going to be weird for a while, but can you do that for me? And don't get mad if Brett calls you Mase?"

"I can't promise that last one. You know I can't. Mase is your thing. It's not okay for anyone else."

"Alright then. Still, please at least try to make this work. It would really mean a lot to me."

"You know, if I was looking at you right now, you would be giving me puppy dog eyes. You've done it so many times, I can even imagine them right now." He sighed. "Alright, fine. But you owe me."

"Yep. I'll do three things."

"Six and we'll call it even."

"Five?"

"Nope. Six. No way I'm budging."

I sighed right back at him. "Fine."

"So, you promised me answers, Li. Where are they? I know you might still not be okay with sharing them, but I need to know what set you off today and why you were so worried yesterday. And if you want me to trust your new friend, this is all going to have to come out anyway."

"Okay. The first day, when I got home, I called him, and he said that he'd call me back because he was having dinner with his family. Which was fine, but his mother called out asking if it was his girlfriend, which was a bit weird, but I carried on. He called me back after, and his mother asked again if it was his girlfriend. She seemed disappointed when he said it was just a friend. He asked me not to call after seven and not to go to his house. I can understand that. I wouldn't have wanted anyone in my house while I was...you know?"

"Yeah, okay, but why were you so worried?"

"I'm getting to that." I took a deep breath. "He didn't mean to say anything that raised a red flag, but he did. He said that he wouldn't really be able to come over. You know how I'd react to that. So I asked his if his parents treated him right, and he said...Jesus, Mase, he was about to say something else, I swear it, but he said 'as best they can'."

"Okay. That's worrying."

"I know right? Anyway, I asked what his original answer was, and he said 'I know they're trying', and he was lying. He's a terrible liar, by the way." I sat down on the couch and sighed. "Mase, I was really worried by _everything_ he said. 'They love me in their own way'; 'they're trying to get me to reproduce'. And then, when I said that if he gave me another red flag, I would call the police, he said he was hanging up."

"And then he didn't show up the next day and you freaked, because he didn't say anything to you, and that's why you couldn't go home. You'd be worrying about it, tempted to go to his house, even though he'd asked you not to."

"Actually, he's told all of his friends not to go to his house. I was talking to Isaac, one of his other friends, and he said that Brett's mother was there, as if that was enough reason to stay the hell away from that place. Fuck, Mase. I don't know what's going on, but it can't be good."

"Well, that explains why you were freaking out yesterday, but what about today?"

"I talked to Brett about the call, and he said that yesterday, he was talking to a councillor, and it was another lie. I don't know what's going on at all, Mase. I don't know anything."

"But why did you have a panic attack? That's all I'm worried about at the moment, Liam." There was a pause. "Li, sorry."

"Again, I'm getting to that. I asked him why he was in Europe for three years, and he answered with, pretty much, 'my mum sent me there to go on lots of dates with girls'. And then he said that...and don't get mad about this. I already did. He said that he ditched a lot of them, went to parties where he made out with people, had sex with people, drank and-"

"Did drugs. Right, where's his house? I want his address right now, Liam, so that I can go over there and tell him that if he does drugs around you or hurts you in _any_ way, he'll have hell to pay."

"Mase, I told you I already got mad at him for it, okay? And my mum's probably gonna threaten him when I tell her what happened today. He's gonna be sufficiently freaked out by tomorrow morning. He's promised not to do them again." I was going to say more, but Mason interrupted me.

"And you believed him? Liam! If you go around-"

"Brett's a good guy. You saw for yourself, Mase. He _helped_ me. He's given me tips on how to better handle my anger-"

"And how's that been working out for you, hm? You punched not one but two girls yesterday, and you almost lost your shit again today. At the same person, even! Liam - I am _not_ calling you anything that...that-"

"Mason, I can handle myself, okay? I get that you're protective, but you promised me that you'd try, for my sake."

"And I withdraw that promise. You say he's done drugs, and all bets are off. What drugs were they? How long did he do them for? Did you know when you _hugged him_? If you knew when you hugged him, both of your sorry asses are in trouble, mister!" I sighed, knowing that I wasn't coming out of this one unscathed.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow, Mase."

"What? No! Don't you _dare_ hang up on-"

I pressed the end call button. I was going to pay for that tomorrow, but that was tomorrow. "Mum?" She materialised at my side.

"Yes, honey?" She looked worried and tired.

I frowned at her. "Have you slept yet?"

"No. I'm waiting for your step-father to come home."

"Mum-"

"No, I'm staying up until he gets here and that's that." She put her hands on her hips in the way that lets me know that she wasn't going to back down. I knew, though, that she would be asleep within ten minutes.

"Well, let's go and wait for him in your room. We can talk there."

She looked tempted, but she shook her head. "Oh no, I know what you're trying to do."

I smiled at her innocently. "I have no idea what you're talking about. Besides, we can cuddle until he gets here." I knew that would break her - she loved cuddles from me.

She was already moving towards the stairs, with me under her arm. _'Tucked away like a little duckling.'_ I pushed that thought away - hating the words that had come form _his_ lips."Alright. But I'm not falling asleep - not this time."

"Yes mum." She slipped under her covers and held them up for me. I was already in my pyjamas - mum had brought them down for me earlier that evening. She was a great mother. She'd taken care of me despite everything. I got under the covers with her and pulled her against my side. "So, what did you do today?"

"Saw a few patients. Nothing out of the ordinary. But I want to talk about yesterday and your panic attacks today, honey."

"I know. I'm sorry I didn't want to talk about it yesterday. I actually...the girls I fought came and apologised, although I might have kind of screwed that up by being an ass. But I think we've got everything cleared up. I didn't want to make it worse, so I asked Mason to apologise on my behalf. I know that's not great, but I had to to avoid getting angry again."

"And how about those panic attacks?" She snuggled closer to me and pushed her face into my neck.

"Well, don't freak out, but Brett told me that in the past he'd done drugs." I could feel her stiffen at my side. "Yeah, that was my reaction too, and he asked why. I told him that someone close had done them and gotten violent - not that it was dad, not that he was violent towards us, but it was enough."

"And is he still doing drugs?" Mum was now on high-alert. I could tell that she was ready to go around to his house and demand that he stay away from me.

I stroked her shoulder, trying to get her to calm down. "No. He promised me - no more drugs or alcohol."

She was still tense, but she'd relaxed against my side a bit. "Alright."

"The next one was about...after." She went back to rigid board in a fraction of a second. "I told Brett that whatever I said in passing was far from the worst I'd done. Then, he asked me what the worst I'd done was." I shook my head. "Everything faded to black and I remembered...everything. Mason fucking jumped him."

"Language, Liam." My mother warned.

"Sorry, but he did. You know him. But I think I sorted that out too. I said that I wasn't getting out of Brett's car - because he took us home - until they'd talked it out. They didn't really say anything, though. I was the one who talked to them and made them work it out that way. I think...I think it went really well."

Mum looked up at me, eyes narrowed. I knew exactly what she was going to ask. "Phone." There was no arguing with that tone. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and placed it in her hand. She found Brett's name and waited for Brett to pick up. "No, I don't care that you're busy. This is Liam's mother. I just want you to know that if you _ever_ do drugs again, you will very much regret it."

I put my face in my hands and groaned. "No, you may _not_ talk to Liam." I slipped the phone from her grasp, holding her hand.

"It's alright, mum." She grumbled, but seemed content to hold my hand. "Hey, Brett. Sorry about all that."

"Nah, it's fine. Just...that was scary. Will she really hurt me if I-"

"Yes." 

There was a pause on the other end of the line. "Well, alright then. Uh, listen, Li, I have to go now, or my mother is going to-"

There was a slight pause before another voice - the voice I'd heard from Monday - was on the line. "Are you Brett's girlfriend?" She asked hopefully.

"No. I'm his friend from school. Did I call during dinner again? I'm sorry if I did. I was just asking about homework." Mum looked at me strangely, but trusted me enough to withdraw her questing hand when I shook my head.

"Well, alright then." She seemed very closed off now. "Dinner is between five-thirty and six forty-five every night, even weekends. Try to avoid calling during that time if you can."

"Yeah, sure thing." _She sounds scary._ I looked down at my mother. _I'm so glad you're my mother._ I leaned down and kissed her cheek. "I love you." I whispered to her.

"I love you too."

Brett's mother seemed to perk up again. "Was that your girlfriend?"

"No, my mother. Why are you so obsessed with girlfriends?"

"Never mind." She snapped and hung up.

I stared at my phone for a few moments before turning to my mother. "That was _so_ weird." I put my phone on the bedside table and wrapped my arms around her. "I love you." I kissed her cheek again. "I am so glad that you are my mother."

She kissed my cheek in turn. "And I'm glad you're my son." She looked around the room. "Sleep here?"

"Sure thing. Let me just pack up my stuff from the living room. Dad'll probably trip over it when he gets back if I don't."

"Okay." She looked like she really didn't want to let me go.

"I'll be right back." I assured her. She still looked conflicted about it, and that's when I realised that me saying that I'd remembered after dad had really scared her. "You know what? The lights are on. He'll be fine." She visibly relaxed and I slid back onto the mattress. She put her head on my shoulder and my arm naturally curled around her.

"You're safe." She whispered.

"Yeah. I am."

  


Mum fell asleep just minutes later, but I lay awake until dad came home. He stomped around in the kitchen, probably getting tangled in my blankets. I smiled. He came up the stairs on semi-soft feet and creaked the door open. "Hey." I said quietly.

He slipped into the room and started to get ready for bed. "Hi. Why are you here? Why were your blankets downstairs?"

"I had a couple of panic attacks today." He stopped what he was doing and frowned at me with concern. "I'm fine now, but mum was really freaking out - mostly because it was about dad and after he'd left."

Dad nodded slowly, looking troubled. Mum had told him about how I'd sunk into a deep depression after I'd killed that guy. He kept getting ready for bed, finally getting in the other side of me. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Brett helped me through it."

"Okay." He draped an arm over my waist. He might not be my biological father, but he took care of me as if he was. I knew that sometimes, he still saw me as the ten-year-old he'd first met - just told that I was getting away with murder because it was in self-defence. I looked over at my mum guiltily. She'd sat for days and cried to him, saying that she thought I'd kill myself or die of starvation. It was how they'd met - I'd fainted at school from malnutrition, rushed into hospital because I was also severely dehydrated, and he'd been there. He'd been, by some twist of fate, my doctor, and mum hadn't known what else to do but tell him everything. Even though she was a psychiatrist, she was still a mother, and she'd been worried sick.

Dad had listened, not passing any judgement, and had treated me the same after knowing everything. He and mum and grown close, going on dates, and I'd been okay with that. Eventually, he moved in, and everything else had gone so well. I smiled at him. "I love you."

"I love you too, son." It wasn't often that I said that. I said it often to my mum, but I had more trouble saying and meaning it to him. It wasn't that I didn't - it was just that the last father I'd said that to had ended up beating me bloody every time I started a fight at school. It took a while, but eventually, I fell asleep.

 _My father, my biological one, was standing over me, a huge shadow. "Look, daddy!" I kicked the ball as hard as I could and it was sent sailing right into the makeshift goal posts._  
_"Yay!" He raised his arms in celebration. "That's great, Liam! When'd you get so good?" He picked me up and spun me around in a circle._  
_"I've always been good at it!" I kissed his cheek, the stubble scratching my baby-soft lips and cheeks. "You just didn't notice!"_  
_"Oh, I didn't did I?" Dad became less of a hulking figure, turning skinny - the way he'd been when I'd started getting into more serious fights at school. I was also taller now, but still not quite the height of his hip. "Did you really think I wouldn't find out, Liam? The principal called and told me what you did. You broke that boy's jaw. And for what? Because he wouldn't let you play in the sandpit?" It was the first time, so there wasn't the usual anger. It was just disappointment, and it was so heavy, it made me want to sink into my mattress. He pulled back the covers and I hugged my pillow to my chest. "I'm going to have to punish you for this, Liam. You know I don't want to." His pupils were dilated wide._  
_I tried to hide from his face, not wanting to look into those eyes overflowing with sorrow. He pulled my face up so that I had to meet his eyes. "You know why I have to do this, right?"_  
_I nodded, tears slipping down my cheeks. "Because I was bad."_  
_"Yeah, you were, Liam. I don't want to do this, so you're going to try not to do it again, right?"_  
_"Yes, daddy."_  
_Dad shook his head. "You don't call me that when I'm disciplining you, Liam." He sat on a chair and pulled me over his lap. He brought his hand down, fast and hard. When I wailed, he stopped to say "remember that I'm doing this because I love you, Liam." I sniffed and nodded, crying again when he hit me more. **This is your fault. You brought this upon yourself. It's your fault for being such a failure, Liam. Why do you make me do this?**_

I woke up crying. Mum was awake with me, but dad was thoroughly passed out. I didn't blame him - night shifts were hard. "You had dreams about him, didn't you, honey?" I nodded mutely, turning my face into her shoulder. "He's gone now. He can't hurt you."

"Yeah." I sniffed. "Thanks mum. I should get back to bed - my bed. I'll pick my stuff up." I kissed her forehead softly as I climbed over her. I grabbed my phone from the night stand and went downstairs. I considered texting either Mason or Brett, but decided against it. I took my stuff upstairs. I knew that I wouldn't sleep any more that night, so I finished typing up my day, along with my dreams, until the sun came up.


	4. Day 4 - Hot Guys

I got ready for school sleepily. I knew that I would be sleeping during at least one of my classes today. I looked at my schedule. Biology, English, morning tea, Study, Spanish, lunch and finally Gym. I would try hard to make it to Study without falling asleep, but I didn't know how well that would go. I went downstairs. Both mom and dad were out at work already, so I made my own breakfast and coffee. I half-filled my cup and swallowed down the liquid, hoping that it would help me stay awake through the day. The bus pulled up and I got out there in record time, slumping into my usual seat next to Mason.

"Hey, Li."

I groaned and leaned my head against his shoulder. Mason laughed and let me get more comfortable. I had about fifteen minutes before we got to school, and I made the most of it.

Mason jostled me awake as we pulled into the school. "Hey, don't think I've forgotten that you hung up on me, Li. We're going to have a serious talk about that later. For now, try to stay awake for Biology."

I sighed. "Okay." I suddenly had a thought. "Are you in class with Brett?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Don't jump him. Mom gave him a very stern talking to yesterday, and I think he's sufficiently scared. Just...take it easy, okay?"

"Okay, fine. Whatever." He turned on his heel, and I knew that he wouldn't just leave it. I sighed heavily and walked into class.

  


"Hey, Li. Time for English, buddy." I looked up into Brett's smiling face. "Rough night? I was passing by and I saw you here. You alright?"

I rubbed my eyes. "Yeah. I tried to stay awake by drinking coffee, but it didn't work. Just tasted awful." Brett chuckled next to me. "Don't blame me if I fall asleep on you during class."

"So, what kept you up?"

"Uh, nothin'." I looked at my shoes, knowing that I was terrible at lying.

Brett was quiet as he searched my face for a few seconds before talking again. "Mason seemed rather upset. He kept glaring at me. He slammed his books down on the desk furthest from me and sulked for the whole lesson. Do you know why?"

"Yeah. I told him about the drugs you did." Brett whipped his head around. "What?"

"Okay, I don't blame you for telling your parents, but-" Brett stopped me from progressing any further, blocking my path. "But telling Mason - that's not okay. I get that he's your best friend, but if you told him, you could just as easily tell someone else and that-" He paused as some students passed close to us. He lowered his voice. "I've already told you that I'm not proud of that behaviour, Li. I'm not okay with you telling people about that."

I shrank back, feeling my anger coming up as a protective barrier. "Yeah, fine." I stepped back into a pair of people.

"Hey, watch where you're going, runt." I turned and saw the beautiful guy from the first day. He was standing next to a girl about the same height with brown eyes and a bob of brown hair. I recognised that she was quite pretty. Her hand slid over his shoulder.

"Calm down, Theo. He probably didn't see you." She murmured in his ear, but he ignored her for the most part.

"I don't care." He stepped closer, and I stepped back into Brett. I felt boxed in, and before I knew what was happening, I'd punched Theo in the face. I turned around and shouldered Brett out of the way, some part of myself recognising him as friend rather than foe, and ran down the hall. My backpack slipped off my shoulder, but I didn't stop.

"Li! Wait!" Brett was running after me. I knew he was going to catch up eventually, but I wasn't ready for that to happen yet. I had no idea where I was going - I just knew that I had to get away. I pushed through a set of double doors and found myself in the assembly hall. I kept running into the bathrooms at the back. "Li? Where did you go?"

I wasn't about to answer him. I sank down the wall of the showers. I never really understood what they were here for, but I was glad for them now. The door to the bathrooms opened and I pulled my knees closer, mimicking my childhood memories. My heart pounded as fast as it had then, my throat being strangled by fear and the urge to scream. I saw Brett's shoes and fought to hold down a frightened sob.

"Hey." His voice was soft, as if he knew that I'd probably take off again if he said or did anything suddenly. He slid down the wall next to me, about an arm's length away. "What are you doing here?"

I considered answering him, but my words wouldn't come. I looked at him from the corner of my eye. He looked sad, like he was blaming himself again. I wished he wouldn't do that. He'd done so much more good than harm even in the last four days. I wanted to tell him, and I opened my mouth, but my voice failed me.

He sighed. "Alright. Li, I don't know...well, really anything about you, but I scared you, didn't I?" I nodded slowly. He nodded along with me. "Why were you scared. If you don't tell me, I'll probably do it again."

"That...the person who got violent..." I tilted my head back and swallowed. "They would act like that."

"Like what?"

"Erratic. You went from friendly to angry in seconds, and..." I looked at my fingernails. "I'm surprised that Mason didn't try to bite your head off. He'll never admit it but-"

"Don't."

I looked over at him, surprised. "What?"

"Don't tell me. If he wouldn't tell me himself, I don't want to know. I thought that was common sense, but apparently not. Li, I know you're trying to protect yourself, but why did you punch Theo? Technically, he didn't do anything."

"I stepped back into you, and I felt boxed in. I punched him so that he'd step back."

"Okay, well, Theo's family is really well-known and respected around here, even if their son is a total brat and their daughter is a stuck-up know-it-all. He's probably going to say that you assaulted him, and there's not really anything that people can say to counter that."

I sighed. "I told you I'd probably die because I picked a fight with the wrong guy."

"Well, Theo's not going to kill you. His dad might, though."

"That makes me feel so much better." I rolled my eyes at him. He smiled at me and despite everything, my heart felt lighter.

"Li, I know you avoided the question, but do you think you could tell me what kept you up last night?"

"If I do, will you tell me where you go on Tuesdays?"

He closed off from me completely. "No."

"Then no."

He ran his hands through his hair. "Then I guess we're at an impasse."

"Stop blaming yourself when I get scared or angry, Brett. It's not your fault. I'd probably have been even more scared if I'd been on my own then. Actually, I know I would have been. It wouldn't have turned out well. He would have pushed me up against the lockers or something and displayed his masculinity in front of his girlfriend, laughing at my wide eyes and heaving chest, and Mason would have found me after class, either hyperventilating or passed out."

"You say that like it's happened before."

"That's 'cause it has. I'd snapped at this jock's girl - she had been laughing at me and my boyfriend and one day, I just turned and slapped her. Anyway, the next day, her boyfriend came down on me like a tonne of bricks. He was with two others - both built huge - no way for me to fight them. I tried, though. They'd boxed me in, and I acted only on instinct. I'd managed to get one guy down, but the other two were on top of me, and one had my arms, the other was sitting on my hips." I remembered that painful pressure.

"He asked me if I liked it, being gay and all. He saw how scared I was, and asked me - thinking he was being so funny - if my mother had raped me, and if that was why I was gay. I couldn't hold anything back when he said that. I managed to break free for a moment before the other guy hit me over the head. It was only a glancing blow, but it was enough to make everything fuzzy. He gripped me by my sides, pushing me back into the lockers and left me like that. My boyfriend found me an hour later."

I pursed my lips. "That was three days before we first had sex, and five days before he jumped in front of a train." I put my face in my hands. "I've never told anyone else that. Not even mom. I didn't want her to know that he'd...what he'd said."

Brett didn't say anything, and I was glad for that - I didn't want him to. He lifted his arm and I shuffled under it, letting it fall over my shoulders. He pulled me closer and rubbed small circles into my shoulder. It wasn't long before I was drifting off. Brett was comfortable, and I felt safe with him, safer than with anyone else.

"Don't leave me, yeah?" I mumbled through my haze of drowsiness.

"I won't. Promise. I'll still be right here when you wake up."

"Thanks." I was silent for a few minutes. "I'm glad you're not like your mom. She's scary." Brett chuckled, and it was interesting to hear it come straight from his chest. It rumbled in his diaphragm before reaching his voice-box.

"I'm glad I'm not my mother too. She can be scary." He pulled me in a little closer. "Li, are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm doing okay. We should get back to class."

"Okay. You sure you're alright to go back?"

"Yeah. Let's just make it there, okay? I think...I think I could use a little help." I was feeling a bit out of it. Brett frowned, but held his hand out. I was a bit unsteady on my feet and Brett held my shoulders.

"You all good?"

"Yeah." I took a step forward and stumbled a bit. Brett caught me.

"Waoh. Easy." He looked at me, hands ghosting over my skin to my face. "Can I see?"

"See what?"

"I wanna check if you hit your head."

"I didn't."

"I still wanna check, Li. Can I?" I nodded. He turned me around gently. "Is this okay?"

"Yeah." Brett's fingers gently moved my hair. He parted it at the back, starting at the bottom of my neck. His hands travelled over my scalp, parting my hair, searching for any blood or soft spots. His fingers reached a particular spot at the back of my head, right down near my neck, and I moaned.

He withdrew his fingers quickly, and I could practically feel his blush."Sorry."

"That's okay. Never knew I had that sensitive a spot there. Never really ran my fingers through my hair, you know?"

"Yeah." His fingers kept running through my hair, tentatively at first, and then with more force - still light, though. "It looks like you're fine, Li. I can't see anything. Do you feel alright?"

"Yeah. I feel okay." I turned and looked at Brett, smiling. "If I'm all good, can we go back to class now?"

Brett laughed. "Yeah. We can go to class now."

We walked into class, picking up my backpack on the way. All heads turned to us as we walked in, but we sat down in our seats straight away, without looking at anyone else. The teacher came over.

"You guys okay? What happened?"

I looked at Brett before turning back to her. "Met a new guy who wanted to start a fight. Ran away from him."

"Okay, can you tell me who it was?"

"Theo." Brett said. Our teacher looked concerned.

She sighed. "Okay. Well, get out your books. Nothing we can do about it now."

_Nothing we can do about it? About what? nothing really happened anyway._ (I didn't know it then, but I was _really_ in for some trouble on that front. I mean, Brett _had_ said that he'd be trouble, but not how much.)

She left us to it, and we started working on our stories for the remaining half hour.

  


"Well, I have to go to detention now, but I'll see you in study. I need to get excused from detention tomorrow afternoon so I can go to lacrosse try-outs.

"Okay. See you then, Li." I smiled at the nickname. I was really glad that I asked both of them to call me by it. _Maybe this year won't be so bad after all._

I went to detention, and we weren't doing anything. I stared into space for the whole forty minutes. We were let out, and I went to see the coach, a man by the name of Bobby Finstock. "Hey, coach. I need written permission to get out of detention tomorrow so I can attend try-outs. Can I get that from you, please?"

"Are you any good?"

"I like to think so, but I guess you'll find out if you give me permission." I said carefully. I knew I wasn't amazing, but I'd been on all of my previous teams, so I guessed that meant that I was pretty good.

"Fine. What's your name?"

"Liam Dunbar."

Coach looked up at me. "Liam? I heard about you. Your mother came to speak with me." I groaned. _Of course she did._ He finished writing the permission slip, handing it to me. "I'm expecting good things from you."

"Yes, coach." I slunk away to Study, seeing Brett. I made my way over, but Jason stopped me.

"Where do you think you're going, _Li_?"

"To sit with Brett. Did he exile you?" I felt my shoulders drop. "Jason, I really don't want to do this. I'm tired."

This only seemed to make him angrier. "So you're going to just sleep on him here?"

"What?" I narrowed my eyes at him. "We're not dating. He's probably not even gay. Or bisexual, for that matter. Can I just get to my friend, please?"

Jason looked furious. He opened his mouth, but Brett's hand descended onto his shoulder. _I swear he moves silently. How did he even get over here?_ "Hey, JJ. What's going on?" His smile was tight. Jason turned bright red, stuttered something and slunk back to his books. Brett watched him go with a straight face. When he turned back to me, he was struggling to hold back a smile. I started to chuckle. "You shouldn't laugh." Brett said sternly, but his face had a bright smile of its own. We started laughing in earnest, and received strange looks from those around us.

After we'd finished laughing, Brett looked at me differently. "I'm staying after school to study with Isaac, Scott and Stiles. They're all trying out for the lacrosse team, so if you wanted to slip in some practice after detention, I'm sure some of them would stick around. Did you want to? You wouldn't have to change, and we'll probably all go home to shower. I could even give you a lift afterwards."

My heart started to pound in my chest - practice with hot guys and maybe go home in one of their cars? Hell yes. "I'll just check if that's okay with my mom."

"Cool." I pulled out my phone as we walked to where Brett had been sitting. **Mom, please say I can stay after school to practice with hot guys**

**As long as you're back before dark**

"Mom says I can stay, as long as I'm back before dark."

Brett looked disappointed. "Oh. We'll have to finish early, then." He bit his lip.

"What's wrong with that?"

"Oh, nothing." Even as he said it, his eyebrows furrowed.

"No, really. What's wrong?"

"As long as I'm practising, I can stay out as late as I want. We usually go for something to eat afterwards, just so I can hang out with my friends unchallenged." He looked guarded for a second. "Don't tell the others I said that, okay? They worry about me enough. I know you asked Isaac about me on Tuesday, and that got everything in his head freaking out, okay? He asked me about my mom, and...just promise me, alright?"

"Alright. Let me call my mom." I turned away, but thought of something else. "If I tell my mom I'm hanging out with you, she'll want to talk to you. Can you come in after you take me home?"

"Yeah, sure." Brett smiled at me before turning away, giving me privacy. I called my mom.

"Hi mom. So, I was hoping that you could let me stay later. I'll be hanging out with some other guys from school, so I won't be alone. And they'll be going to eat something afterwards, so we might not be finished until...ten?"

"No."

"Come on. Please, mom? I'll be making friends. Please, please, please? I'm going to detention, and I don't have any homework, and Brett'll be taking me home, and he can come in afterwards, so you can talk to him. Please. I really need friends."

There was a long silence. I could practically see her chewing her lip. "Okay. But I want you home by nine. Now, put Brett on the phone." I motioned Brett over.

"Thanks mom." I handed the phone to him.

"Yes, okay. I'll have him home by nine, and I'll come in to talk to you afterwards. Yes. I promise. Yes, I know. I'll take care of him. Yes. You can count on me. Bye, see you at nine." He handed the phone back to me.

"So, no matter what happens, you're to be back by nine. If he tries anything - anything at all - you run home, okay?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, mom."

"Okay. You have a good day, alright?"

"Yeah, I will. You too."

  


Spanish passed by as easily as water, and I slept most of the way through lunchtime detention. I stepped into the gym, ready to curl up behind one of the pieces of equipment. All thoughts of doing so vanished as I saw Brett doing pull-ups. His muscles rippled under his skin, visible even under his shirt, and damn if he didn't look gorgeous drenched in sweat. _How has he been working out this long already? Did he really work out through lunch?_ I stepped over to him in a trance. He smiled at me, dropping to the floor.

"Like something you see?"

"What?" My mind was slow on the up-take. "What? No." I could feel my blush creep down my body. Brett smiled at me and took his shirt off. My eyes followed his movements.

"You sure about that?" My eyes travelled up his long arms, across his chest and down his muscled body. "Li, you know my eyes are up here, right?" I startled, and my eyes jumped up to his face. "There you go. So, what are you going to do here? I hope you haven't come just to watch me."

I felt my blush creep lower. "I didn't. I'm..." I gestured weakly at the bench-press. "Yeah."

Brett smiled. "Mmhmm." I slapped his arm lightly.

"Get lost, you ass." I went over to the bench press and put some weight on the bar. Brett followed me. "Going to spot me, are you?"

"I don't see anyone else who's going to do it, so yeah, I guess I am."

"You know what you're doing, right?"

Brett scoffed. "That's cute, Li. You think I haven't done this before? I got you."

"Whatever you say." I lay down and started to do my three sets of ten, Brett distracting me with his perfect face, perfect hair, perfect teeth, perfect skin, perfect eyes, perfect lips, perfect muscles...

"Uh, Li, you know you're only supposed to do fifteen, right?"

"What?" I flicked my eyes up to his and then down to the bar held over my chest. My arms started to ache. I put the bar back on the rack above my head. "How many did I do?"

"Twenty. Looked pretty easy for you, too. Maybe you should put more weight on." I looked at the weight that was there - sixty pounds.

"No way, man. I was maxed out."

Brett lifted his eyebrows up at me. "You sure? You made 'maxed out' look pretty easy. Shove over. Let me have a go." He gave my shoulder a light push and I grumbled at him.

"Alright, I'm going." I stood above him and watched as he took the weight off the rack. He did five pretty alright before he started struggling, and another five after that. The entire time, I was trying really hard to pay attention, to see if he needed my help. I saw him start to struggle as he tried to eleven. I put my hands under the bar, ready to take the weight. He got it up and pushed it back onto the rack.

"Dunno how you did it, Li. That was hard."

"I told you, I was maxed out."

"Do it again." He said excitedly as he leaned over the bar, kneeling on the support.

"Uh, no." I turned away, but he caught my arm.

"Five more? Not sets, five more bench-presses."

I sighed. "Fine." I slid back onto the seat of the machine, and breathed deeply, focusing again on Brett's face. _Those perfect muscles...what I'd love to do to them..._ I lifted the bar, allowing my mind to get dirty. I lost track of how many I'd done, but at some point, my arms really ached. I pushed the bar back, but I missed. It hit my chin and I started to panic. "Brett."

His hands were already there. "What do you mean by 'maxed out', man? You just did another thirty bench-presses. I think you're seriously under-estimating your abilities. You've got some serious power packed in there, don't you?" He tapped my arm muscles, and I felt a fire run through my veins. I really wanted to kiss him right then, because he was kneeling - _kneeling_ \- in front of me, and he was touching me, and he was kind, and...and he stood up. _Fuck._

"Uh, yeah...anyway, I gotta...yeah." I said, a blush coating my cheeks in red. I walked to the bathroom, feeling myself getting harder and harder as I went. Thankfully, no one else was in there, so I closed myself in one of the stalls, leaned against the wall, and took out my cock. It was already rock solid under my hand.

_Brett came in and kissed me, his height meaning that I was completely trapped against the stall wall - not that I'd want to be anywhere else. He let my lips go, allowing my head to fall forward onto his chest, where I started to kiss down his sculpted torso, following the V of his hips. He tipped his head back and moaned, and I looked up through my lashes at him, opening my mouth wide for his huge-_

"Ugn!" I moaned as I came, coating the opposite wall. I wiped it up with some tissues, flushing them down the toilet. I walked out, still red, but mercifully soft in my gym shorts. I'd splashed some water on my face, mostly to cool it from it's bright red colouring, but to no avail.

Brett smirked at me and whispered in my ear. "Have fun in there, did you?" I blushed again, and he laughed. I smacked his shoulder, and went to another piece of gym equipment, not even really aware of what it was, or what it was used for. Brett came back over and smiled at me. He leaned down and whispered in my ear again. "I didn't actually expect you to jerk off, Li. Do I really make you so hot?"

I realised, through a haze, that I was still dreaming. "Li?" Brett knocked on the stall door, and I blushed. I pulled up my clothes and opened the door.

"Yeah?" I asked sheepishly, kind of looking past him, too embarrassed to actually look into his eyes.

"You alright?" I looked at his face and was ashamed to see that he was worried. "You left pretty quickly. Did you have an episode? I'm sorry if I-"

"Brett. You didn't do anything." _Except give me a massive boner._ "I was in here being a teenage boy."

He looked confused for a moment before blushing as red as me. "Oh. Sorry." He made to close the door, but I held it.

"I'm done now. But thank you for your concern." I smiled at him as he looked even more embarrassed. "It's okay, you know. I'm not mad. In fact, I'm flattered." I held my arms out. "Want a hug?"

"No. Not until you've washed your hands...and given me a million years to get over my embarrassment." He covered his face with his hands. "Oh my God, I'm an idiot." I washed my hands and came back.

"Okay. They're washed. Can I get a hug now?"

Brett took his hands away from his face. "Sure." He looked around. "But...maybe not...here?" He blushed deeply again, and I decided that it was the cutest thing I'd ever seen. We walked back into the gym, and we hugged briefly. He was still really embarrassed, and his face was hot.

The bell rang, and I was surprised that so much time had passed. "I'll see you after school, in the library, yeah?"

"Yeah, see you. I'll be there with the others, so don't freak out if there are more people than you're okay with. Just let me know, okay?"

"Sure." I walked off to my locker and got my stuff, ready for the rest of the evening. Detention wasn't very full - only Hayden, one other guy and I. We were sent off to restock the supply closets, and I decided that I would try my best not to get put into detention again - I hated the smell of disinfectant. I wrinkled my nose and got on with it.

  


On my way to the library, Mason intercepted me. "I haven't forgotten that you hung up on me yesterday, mister."

"I know." I smiled at him, and an idea popped into my head. "Hey, before you say any more, I'm going to practice with some hot guys this afternoon. You can watch, but only as long as you promise not to talk about me hanging up on you."

I could see Mason thinking about it - he was tempted. "Are any of them going to be shirtless?"

"I don't know. It's pretty hot out, and I'm sure I could persuade someone to take off their shirt."

This made up his mind. "Okay. Deal."

  


We found Brett hanging out in the library with Isaac, Stiles and the hot guy who was kissing that Asian girl, who I assumed was Scott. I introduced myself. "Hey, everybody. I'm Liam, and this is my friend Mason." Mason gave a small wave.

"Scott." The hot guy said, standing up and extending a hand. I shook it timidly, and he frowned a bit at the weak grip, but didn't say any more. He shook Mason's hand, and sat back down again.

"Stiles." He raised his hand without bothering to get up.

"I'm Isaac." Isaac stood and extended his hand, which Mason took, staring in awe at his height.

"Nice to meet you." Mason mumbled, and Isaac smiled at him brightly, earning a scowl from Stiles.

"So, now that everyone's here, let's get to practising."

"Awesome." Stiles said. "As you all know, I need to work on _everything_. Right, Isaac?"

"Mmhmm." Isaac mumbled distractedly. I followed his gaze - right to Stiles' ass. I tried to hide a smile, but didn't quite manage it. It didn't really matter anyway - all of the others were in front of me. _Why does everybody have to have long legs?_ I lamented as I ran to catch up.

Out on the field, the sun was hanging low, and in everyone's eyes. "So...warm-ups?"

"Yep. Off you go." Stiles shot back at me, and I glared at him.

"I meant for everybody."

"I know." He said with a devious smirk that was, even though I didn't want to admit it, pretty cute. There were two other guys already on the pitch.

"Who are they?" I pointed.

Scott followed my gaze and answered. "Jackson's the team captain. The guy in goals is Danny. He's our team goalie for obvious reasons." As I watched, Danny caught nearly every ball thrown at him.

I nodded. "He's pretty good." I turned to look at the others. "So, no one's really answered my question. Are we doing warm-ups?"

"Yeah." Scott said as he ran past me. Brett also passed me with a smile, and I took off after him.

  


After about five minutes, the others were falling behind. As I passed Stiles for the third time, I frowned at him. "How...are you...all...so unfit?" I panted.

"H-how...are...you...so...fit?" He growled back as best he could. Brett and Scott were the only ones still in front of me, and even they were slowing down. I sped up a bit and caught up to Scott.

"How long...do we run for?" I asked quickly.

"'Till you...collapse." He panted at me before slowing and stopping, Stiles catching up quickly. Again I sped up to keep pace with Brett. My feet hit the ground three times every time his hit once, but I was doing okay.

"You're doing...pretty...alright, Li."

"You're...not too...bad yourself." He smiled at me, and it stunned me so much I stopped in my tracks. _How can one person be so happy?_

Scott walked up behind me. "You're pretty good, Liam." His hand clapped my shoulder, and I tensed everything. He didn't notice, and moved past me. A memory flashed in my mind, and I nearly collapsed. Brett must have seen the exchange, because he rushed over.

"Li? You okay?" He didn't touch me, which I was grateful for, but I shrank back from him, walking away.

"Let me just walk it off." I called back, already walking away.

"Sure." He fell into step next to me, shortening his strides. "I didn't tell them, because I didn't think you'd want me to. I'm starting to regret that decision."

I shook my head. "It's fine. I mean, I can't be like this forever, right?"

"If it's how you are, then yes, you can. And you should. People should respect your personal preferences and beliefs, and...Li, these people do. I'm Buddhist, and they're okay with it. I'm gay, and they're okay with it. They'll be fine if you're not okay with touching. It might take them a while to get used to it, but they'll put in the effort."

"They shouldn't." I said quietly. I'd completely skipped over the 'my crush is gay' part, because I needed him to know that I wasn't worth anyone's effort. "No one should put in effort for me, Brett. I'm far too broken for anyone to fix." I felt an ugly lick of angry fire touch my tongue. "Even your wonderful friends." Brett stopped walking, and I felt the familiar guilt settle in my belly. "I'm sorry. I can't-"

"IED makes you angry, right? Not an ass?"

"No, it makes me an ass too." I looked down at my feet. "And then I'm left with eternal guilt." I turned away. "I am _so_ going to Hell."

"What's it like?" He asked as I walked away. "What's it like to have IED?"

I turned back. "Like fire. That's what the anger's like. It feels...alive. And it's scary. And...when I get angry, sometimes, I lose everything - time, place, vision. And then it all comes back, and the guilt comes. And you might think the guilt's the worst, but it isn't. It's the anxiety that I'm gonna snap again, at any moment. So that's what it's like, Brett. It's big, and ugly; the destroyer of worlds - mine. Aren't I so lucky?" I felt tears burn in my eyes, because I was being honest. It _did_ hurt. It _was_ scary. It _did_ leave me with guilt. It _did_ make me anxious.

The other guys were practising, but I could feel their gazes turning to us every few seconds. Scott jogged over. "Hey, man, if I did something, just let me know, okay? I'll stop whatever it is, and if it's Stiles, I can give him a swift kick up the arse, alright?"

I felt my defence mechanisms kick in - _too close, too friendly, too unfamiliar_. Brett saw it too. He pushed Scott back. "Dude - personal space."

"Oh. Sorry." It was just in time, too. A second longer, an inch closer, and he'd be decked - but Brett was always there to help. Mason jogged over, saw that I was okay, and jogged back, throwing me a concerned glance.

"Right. Practising." I said as I walked towards the others. Brett followed me, and Scott followed Brett. "So what are we doing?"

  


Halfway through the practice, I was receiving irritated looks from Mason. "Whew. It's really hot, isn't it?"

Stiles frowned at me, and I gestured over to Mason. "I promised him that I'd persuade one of you to take your shirt off."

Scott looked over, smiled, and drew his shirt over his head. "Oh, that's a great idea, Scott." Stiles said, and took his shirt off too.

"Well, that seems like fun." Isaac smiled and tugged his shirt off too.

"Hey, Brett." He looked over, saw everyone shirtless, and frowned. "Don't wanna be left out, do you?" I pulled my own shirt off as Brett did too.

He jogged over. "Why are we all shirtless?" I nodded at Mason, and Brett gave him a small wave. He looked completely shocked. Brett chuckled. "You used this as a bargaining chip, didn't you?"

I grinned at him. "You bet I did. I hung up on him yesterday, 'cause he was bugging me, and he's mad, but he'll always find a way when there are hot guys involved."

"You hung up on him?" Brett asked, eyebrow raised.

I blushed deeply. "I don't do it often. I was...kinda...whatever." I turned away, and Brett knew better than to ask.

I heard Scott ask Brett something lowly. "Is he...okay?"

Brett sighed. "Define okay. He's got some...stuff...he's working through."

"Okay." Scott accepted that, and walked away. I bit the inside of my lip, turned to Brett, and pushed my face into his chest, which was wet with sweat, but I didn't mind.

"It was nightmares that kept me up." I whispered to his skin. "I was with mom, and she called you, and then she asked me to stay. I dreamt about the guy who..." I shivered, and didn't continue, but Brett seemed to know what I was trying to say.

"Okay." He said softly, his arms coming around my body, pulling me close. I breathed in the smell of his sweat for a while before pulling away.

"Hey, Brett!" Scott called. "We're gonna go now, if you wanna come with us!"

"Yep! Coming!" Brett called back.

"Mason can come, right?" I called out to him.

"Sure!" He jogged over to Mason, said something, and he nodded vigorously.

"Wanna put your shirt back on, Li?" Brett asked me with a smirk.

I slipped my shirt on, wincing a bit at the wetness. "Feels gross."

Brett laughed. "Yeah. I always have a spare on Thursdays."

I blushed as I remembered my mother asking me if Brett was going to go to my therapy sessions one day. "Hey, Brett?"

"Yeah?" He turned to look at me. I bit my lip.

"Uh...just so you know...I go to see my therapist on Sundays, at nine. Just...in case you wanted to contact me then, don't 'cause I don't pick up my phone while I'm there." Brett nodded, but didn't say anything. I'd done a great job of skirting around the real subject again, and he could sense it. When we got into his car, I blurted it out. "I told you, 'cause...you know...maybe...um-"

"Liam?" I turned to look at him with wide eyes. "Just say it, okay? It's always easier if you just say it."

I nodded, took a deep breath, and went for it. "Okay...I was wondering if you'd want to come with me...sometime." I sank lower in my seat, feeling embarrassed.

Brett glanced over and smiled at me. "I'd love to. Just text me when you want me to, and I'll be there. I can even pick you up, if you want."

I looked at my hands. "Thanks." I murmured. "So, where are we going?"

"A restaurant just a few minutes' drive from here." He turned into a parking lot. "They serve really great stuff. It's mostly Chinese, but there're Thai dishes, Indian dishes and Japanese dishes. It's a whole mishmash. We usually get two or three dishes and share. What do you like?"

"I...I'm really into Thai. I mean, have you tried green chicken curry? Made right, it's amazing. And shrimp soup is great too. The best, though, is spicy beef salad."

"I usually just get either Mongolian lamb or butter chicken."

I rolled my eyes. "Boring. Right, every time I come out with you, you're getting something new. Have you tried anything sweet-and-sour?"

Brett shook his head, looking amused.

"You should. That's what you're having today. Sweet-and-sour pork."

"Then I'm paying. You choose, and I pay, okay?"

I blushed deeply as he shut off the engine. "Actually, I...I was gonna have to ask, since I don't actually have money. I...I _have_ a wallet, for some reason, but it's empty except for my school ID and library card." I pulled it out and showed it to him, and he opened it sceptically. His eyebrows raised as he took in the empty sections.

"You don't get pocket money?" I shook my head sheepishly. "No job?"

"Dude, I _just_ moved here. How would I have a job?"

"You've been here for a month, right? That should have been plenty of time."

"I think you're seriously underestimating the time it takes to find a decent job, Brett." Brett handed me my wallet back, which was a thin leather affair, dyed a light blue. Brett chuckled from behind me, and I frowned at him. "What?"

"It's just...your wallet matches your eyes. It's cute." I felt my face heat up. We were waiting for the others to pull up. I nudged him with my elbow. "Really. You should wear tops of the same color." He gasped. "Do you have blue shirts?"

"Not really. I mean, I've got a dark blue one, and one with 'Cyberpunk 2077' on it, but that's about it."

Brett's face fell, and then brightened again. He smiled at me, and I just knew that he was planning something.

"What are you doing?" I asked cautiously.

"What do you mean? I'm not doing anything."

"Oh, sure you aren't. That's why you look like you're planning to eat me alive by luring me into a boiling pot of honey. No way you're doing anything, right?"

Brett looked thoughtful for a second. "You know, you probably would taste pretty good if I dipped you in a pot of boiling honey. You should really watch what you say around me. You're giving me ideas." Brett lifted my arm and bit it lightly. I squeaked and pulled away, his teeth scraping bluntly against my skin. The sensation was a trigger, and I yelped, closing off. "Oh. Li, I'm sorry."

"It's fine." I said quickly. "Where are the others?" I rubbed my wrist absently, and then started to wring my hands. Brett noticed and gripped them in his own.

"I'm really sorry, Li." His face was close - closer than I was really comfortable with. I looked up, and saw his eyes half-lidded. Despite my earlier desire, I wasn't ready for this. I stepped back from him, and Scott's motorbike pulled up.

Mason jumped out of the passenger seat, came over and hugged me. "Scott's seriously hot, dude. And intelligent."

"And taken." I whispered back. "He's got a girlfriend." Mason moaned, and put his head on my shoulder. "What happened to Corey, anyway?"

Mason glared at me. "I'm keeping my options open, man."

"Corey seemed nice enough. And cute." Mason groaned again and hugged me tightly. I laughed in his ear, and he licked my shoulder. "Ew! Gross, Mason!" I pushed him away, and then he was the one laughing at me. I wiped the spit away. "Ugh!" I wiped my hand on Brett's shirt, who exclaimed in surprise.

"What do you think you're doing?"

I smiled sweetly. "Just having some fun." Stiles pulled up in his Jeep, and we all went inside. "So, do we wait to be seated, or do we just...go for it?"

"We wait." Brett said simply. There was idle chatter from behind us, and after a few moments, we were taken to a table. The menus were already on the table. Isaac, predictably, sat at the end of the table, where he had plenty of room to extend his legs. Scott sat on one side, and Stiles sat on the other. Mason sat next to Scott, Brett sat at the other end, next to Mason, and I sat in between Stiles and Brett.

We all ordered, Stiles sharing with Scott, and Isaac and Mason bonding over their love of fried rice - and just fried rice. I looked around, surprised by the lack of customers. "Is it always this quiet?" I asked.

"Most of the time, yeah." Scott looked around. "There are usually a few more tables occupied, but it _is_ Thursday. That's one of the reasons we love this place. Almost no one is ever here."

I nodded. "Nice. It's really pretty - the red trim, the gold curtains - very nice." Everyone but Mason blinked at me, and I blushed. "What? What did I do?"

Stiles narrowed his eyes at me. "Dude, no one notices a restaurant's 'red trim'."

I sank further into my seat. "Taking note of interior design isn't a crime, is it?"

"No, but it makes you look _really_ gay." Mason said with a smile. "And I thought _I_ was obvious." He glanced around the table. "Actually, is everyone here gay?"

"I am." Brett said without hesitation.

"I am." I said, with a red blush heating my cheeks.

"I'm straight." Stiles said with faux confidence.

Isaac looked a little hurt before saying "bi," very tightly.

"And I'm straight." Scott finished. He smiled at everyone as the food came, and we all helped ourselves. I was very self-conscious, and only took a little bit.

Mason looked at my meagre portions in disbelief. "Are you trying to starve yourself?" He didn't need to add the 'again'. I knew it was implied, and I winced. "You usually eat ten times more than that. You're hollow. That's barely going to cover your bottomless pit."

I groaned and pushed my face into my hands. "Mason..."

Scott butted in. "If you usually eat more, don't worry about it. Eat as much as you usually do."

Mason spluttered a laugh, having just taken a drink of water. "Oh no, don't say that. You're gonna end up with nothing left. Really. He eats like he's a bear going into hibernation." He left the rest of the sentence open, and I decided that my face was going to become permanently red.

"I _am_ a bear going into hibernation." I grumbled to myself. Brett must have heard me, because he smiled tightly at his plate.

Unfortunately, Isaac noticed. "Aw, look how cute he is! He's blushing so much!" He surprised me by getting out of his chair and kissing my cheek, causing Stiles to glare at me. Brett laughed, and Mason looked shocked.

"Do I get one?" He asked with a smirk.

Isaac smiled and attacked Brett next, who tried to push him away, but eventually failed. He looked vaguely annoyed, but he was smiling. "Everyone gets one!" He announced after finally pressing his lips to Brett's cheek. He went around and kissed Mason's cheek, followed by Scott. He sat down and kissed Stiles', who looked rather annoyed by the whole ordeal.

I doubled the amount on my plate, ate it and, when no one was looking, got seconds, and then thirds. I was going for fourths, but I was caught. "What are you doing?" Brett asked as I pulled my plate back. "I've seen that plate replenished of its contents three times now. Are you sure you're going to eat that?"

Mason smiled, tongue poking out at me. Scott looked shocked, as did Isaac. Stiles seemed disinterested. I looked at my plate, which had a bit more than the last time, as it had been gradually increasing in volume. "Uh, yeah..." I picked up my fork and took a bit. "It's good."

Brett glanced down at his plate. He'd had seconds, and was only halfway through it. "How do you eat so fast? And where does it go?"

I blushed even more (as if that was even possible) and kept eating slowly. The others lost interest, but Brett kept staring at me in amazement. As the plate got emptier, his eyebrows raised higher. When I was done, I sat back, and Brett's hand rested on my belly. "Wow. You even feel full." He smiled at me. "I should get you home. It's getting late." He checked his phone. "Oh. Yeah, really late. We should really go if we wanna make it back by nine."

"Alright." I groaned as I stood, sighing happily at the feeling of being full. I felt really tired, though, so I followed Brett out without any fuss. "Hey, can I sit in the back?"

"Sure." His hand fell on my shoulder. "You tired?"

"Yeah." I got in the back and lay down, falling asleep almost instantly.

  


"Li, hey. We're at your house now, time to wake up." Brett's soothing voice was an excellent thing to wake up to, and I slowly blinked my eyes open. "Hey, sleepyhead. Come on. Let's get you inside." He smiled at me gently. I sat up and rubbed my eyes.

"How long did I sleep?"

"Not long. Just a few minutes. It's only a twenty-five minute drive, and you seemed to be sleeping the whole time."

I groaned and accepted his hand up. "Okay..." I stretched. "Let's go talk to my parents."

My mother ran to me when the door opened and hugged me tightly. "Mom?" She was shaking and looked pale. "Are you okay?" Somewhere in the back of my mind, I realised that she'd probably had a panic attack since I'd left, and dad wasn't home yet. I sat her down on the couch. "Can you get me a glass of water? Top cupboard on the left, next to the fridge."

"Okay." I heard him move around the kitchen, and I spoke lowly to her.

"What happened?"

She gripped my shoulders. "Baby."

"Yeah...it's okay. I'm here." I kept my voice low, just to soothe her (and maybe also so Brett wouldn't hear, but who can blame me for that?).

Her hands cupped my face. "You're safe." She breathed. Something touched my shoulder. I turned, and Brett was holding out a glass.

"Thanks." I gave him a weak smile. He kneeled next to me, bottom lip trapped between his teeth.

"Do you want me to leave? I can do that, or wait outside. Whatever you need, okay?" He glanced at mom worriedly and I nodded.

"Just go up to my room. This shouldn't take long." That wasn't exactly a lie. It usually only took ten minutes to navigate the minefield to get to safety on the other side, but sometimes you mis-stepped, and it would take hours to get her calmed down.

"Okay." His eyes held a sadness that made me believe that he'd dealt with this kind of thing before. I ached to ask, but I knew how emotional these experiences were. I watched him go, and then turned back to mom.

"Tell me what happened. I can't help unless I know, okay?"

"You...you didn't come home from school when you said you would." _So this could have either happened at three, at five, or just then._ I knew she wouldn't remember, but I guessed that it was the most recent, because she was still shaking so violently.

_That's hardly any measure. She could have been shaking this hard the whole five hours through practice and dinner._ I felt a stab of guilt. If this had happened at five, that meant that I caused this. _Why didn't I call her? Text her?_

I looked up at her, gripping her knees. It was our thing that we did, and I knew it calmed her. She held onto my hands, breathing heavily. "You weren't here, and I went to your room, and you weren't there, and you weren't picking up your phone and-"

"Okay. I'm sorry." I slid my hands up her thighs, going for a hug. She let me, and sobbed into my shoulder. "I'm here. I'm safe. I'm not going anywhere for a while." I pulled back. "Do you still want to talk to Brett, or do you wanna do that tomorrow?"

"Now's fine." She said after a deep breath. I nodded and stood, ascending the stairs to my room.

Brett was sitting on my bed. He had tears in his eyes. "Brett?" I quested softly.

He jumped and quickly wiped his eyes. "Uh...yeah." He swallowed and turned to me, face red. He was holding a locket necklace in his hands, which he quickly tucked back into his shirt, vanishing from sight. I'd noticed it before, when he'd taken his shirt off.

I sat next to him and put my hand between his shoulder blades. His back shuddered under my touch. "What's wrong?"

He handed me the locket, unclasping it, and I opened it. It was a picture of a little girl, smiling brightly. She had mousy brown hair and perfectly white, straight teeth. She seemed to be laughing. "Olivia." He said quietly. "My best friend. That's the last photograph that I have of her. She had schizophrenia. She...um..." he choked, and cried softly for a few minutes. His hand found mine and squeezed. "She just wanted to escape it so she um...at my eighth birthday party..."

"That's awful. Did you...was it you who...?"

"No, but the fact that she-" he sobbed again, "the fact that she wanted to say 'happy birthday' to me first..."

I nodded in understanding and pushed my face into his neck, letting him know that it was okay to seek comfort. He did, pulling me in close, crying into my shoulder. _That's how he knows. Schizophrenia is similar to IED in that you have explosive outbursts, seemingly not triggered by anything. But...to have your best friend go like that, and at your party, too._ I shuddered at the thought and pulled him in closer.

Brett finally broke away and wiped his eyes. "Thanks." He gave me a watery smile, which I returned. "So...talking to your mother."

"You don't have to today if you don't want to."

"No, let's do this." He walked into my bathroom and splashed some water on his face. "Lead the way." He gestured with a smile, and I marvelled at how quickly he'd gone back to being happy.

"How old was she?"

He stopped in his tracks, the smile slipping from his face. "Six." He said soberly.

_How can a six-year-old...never mind that, Liam! She was six years old!_ "I'm sorry. No more questions. I promise."

He pressed his lips together and nodded, starting to walk again. His eyes and face were still pink, but he looked composed. Even so, I really regretted my earlier question. _Good job on being a prick, Liam. You're so good at this._ But bringing it up again to apologise would seem even more selfish, so I kept my mouth shut.

"Mom...this is Brett." He smiled brightly and held his hand out.

She glared at him with mistrust. "Have you-"

"Mom." I said warningly, and she shrank back into the chair. "Polite? Please?"

Still glaring at him, she slowly extended her hand and shook his. "So, Brett...Liam told me that you did drugs."

Brett looked mildly pained, but he nodded. "I wasn't in a good place. I don't do that any more."

"Mmhmm." She didn't look impressed, but I could see her working through it in her head.

"Why don't we sit down, okay?" I helped my mom sit back on the couch, and even though she glared at me, she let me. I perched on the couch next to her, ready to stop her doing anything she might regret. I needn't have worried. The rest of the conversation was mostly civil, but Brett shied away from a lot of questions about his family. Mom seemed to respect that, and at the end of the evening, decided that she quite liked him.

  


"He seems nice." She said as she turned to me after he'd gone.

"Yeah?" I asked, still a little dizzy with relief. I'd been pretty high-strung for most of the afternoon, and I really just wanted to go to sleep.

Mom started to ramble about what she thought about the things he'd said, and my mind wandered.

_Brett smiled at me. "She likes me."_

_I smiled back. "She likes you." We were standing in the doorway, Brett leaning against the door jam._

_"So, I guess I have the all-clear to come over tomorrow."_

_"I guess you do." He smiled down at me, giving me a quick hug. As I caught a glimpse of his locket, I felt a wave of guilt wash over me, and I decided in that moment that I would avoid him as much as possible._

_"I'll see you tomorrow." He said while pulling away. I blushed and nodded, opening the door for him. He hugged me again quickly before leaving, throwing me a final smile. My heart squeezed in my chest, and I felt that guilt again, reminding me to stay away from him, so I wouldn't hurt him any more._

"Liam?" My mom's voice snapped me from my reverie. 

"What?" I asked, eyes wide.

"You weren't listening, were you?"

I blushed and looked at my feet. "Sorry. I'm tired."

"Alright then, we'll talk in the morning." I thanked her and kissed her cheek, going upstairs and collapsing into bed. I pulled up my document with my story in it and typed my day up, surprised by its considerable growth in length from the previous days' entries. I sighed, thinking that I should continue with my homework, but I really couldn't be bothered, and I really was tired.

I turned the light off and hoped for good dreams.


	5. Day 5 - Avoidance

I was honestly surprised when I didn't have any dreams that night. I woke feeling refreshed, having avoided any emotional turmoil during the hours of sleep.

As I got dressed, I remembered that I was going to avoid Brett. I'd completely forgotten until I thought about lacrosse practice; a task that was going to be extremely difficult whilst trying to also avoid Brett. My heart sank heavier in my chest - I hoped he was sick, or that his parents would keep him home. I then berated myself, because Brett's mom appeared to be the devil, and wishing anyone spend a day with her was probably a sin.

"I can do this." I announced shakily to my reflection. "I can do this. This is for him, so I won't hurt him."

Still not quite convinced, I went downstairs. Both of my parents were already at work, so I ate breakfast in silence. Well, except for the single sentence I mumbled to it - a somewhat feeble promise. "I _will_ avoid him." My mouth was full of cereal, so it lost most of its effect and conviction.

After I'd finished, staying home was looking like a really good option, even if it was try-outs for lacrosse.

I looked at my reflection in the bathroom mirror and sighed. In desperate need of a pep-talk, I called Mason.

"What?" He grumbled, still not out of bed yet.

"I need your help. There's no way I can go to school today, Mase."

"Why not?"

I sighed. "I hurt Brett's feelings, and I just _know_ that he's going to forgive me, but I...I just _can't_ , because I'm probably going to hurt him again. So I need to stop being friends with him so that I don't hurt him."

"Liam, you're being ridiculous. Just go to school. Talk to him about it. I bet you didn't even hurt him. You're just being paranoid."

"I can't help it," I hissed. "I have medical conditions."

"You haven't been diagnosed with paranoia, Li. Just go to school. You'll be fine."

Still unsure, I talked to him for a further five minutes. He eventually convinced me to go to school. I thanked him and crossed to my neighbor, Tessa's house, and informed her of mom's breakdown yesterday. She said that she would go over later and bring her something, and I thanked her, leaving her with a hug.

  


I saw Brett in the hallway outside our English classroom. We sat together. "So, I was thinking that we should do this first-person. Do you think I should be the one, you, or maybe one of our friends?"

I thought about that for a while. "Yours. If we write it from your perspective, we can get that note written, and then maybe you'll, like, try to throw yourself off a building, but I come and stop you. The only real question in my mind is whether we start with the note or end with it? I mean, it would have more of an emotional impact if we end with it, but it _is_ a good starting point. How long is this allowed to be again?"

Brett rummaged through the papers on his desk. "Three thousand words by Wednesday the third of February. And it's currently the sixteenth of January. We've got time."

Something about what he said didn't sit right with me. _It's currently...January...only a month..._ My eyes widened. _He must not have remembered what date it was when we were talking about birthdays..._ My cheeks then burnt when I remembered that I wanted to talk to him. I'd completely forgotten. "Hey, Brett..."

"Mm?" Brett replied distractedly.

"I...yesterday...when you...were talking about...Olivia." I whispered her name, but Brett's head still snapped up. He narrowed his eyes at me.

"What about her?" His tone surprised me; he sounded very guarded, his eyes sharp.

I flinched. "I...I just..." I looked down into my lap. "I'm sorry."

His face softened. "For what?" He asked lowly, this time without any bite.

"For asking about her. I could see it hurt you. I'm...I should have kept my nose out of it. I actually...I was actually going to avoid you today...just so I wouldn't hurt you again. I'm sorry."

"Li..." He stopped talking when the teacher passed us. "Li, you didn't hurt me. You'd have hurt me if you'd asked to see where she'd done it, to see what she'd used to do it. You'd have hurt me if you'd asked whether I loved her, whether she'd loved me, if you could...if you could come to her grave with me, or without me. Trust me, I've had worse than 'how old was she'. You were actually really good with it."

I didn't really hear the last part of the sentence, because I was having a hard time not throwing up. _People have the nerve to ask those questions? How sick do you have to be?_ At the same time, questions from my own past were swirling in my head. _Did you piss on his body? Was it a relief for your dad to be taken away? What did he do? Did he rape you? Did he rape your mom?_ At some point, I would break, and I was starting to feel like that would be sooner rather than later.

"Li? Oh my God, you're really pale. Are you okay?"

I shook my head frantically, not trusting myself to speak. If I opened my mouth, I was going to throw up everywhere.

Brett stood and talked quickly and quietly to our teacher. With one glance at me, she nodded. Brett came over and practically picked me up when he lifted my arm over his shoulder, because he was so tall. "I'll get you to the nurse's office."

I shook my head. "Outside?" A nod was enough. Brett walked quickly, giving up on the pretense that he was letting me walk. He put me down and lowered me to rest against a wall as soon as we were outside. I gulped in the fresh air and, even though I didn't need it, I started to repeat the words.

"The sun, the moon, the truth. Sun, moon, truth." I exhaled deeply one last time. I flicked my eyes up at him. "I'm okay."

"What happened? You didn't look angry, but you were-"

"Those sick fucks!" I turned around and smashed my fist against the wall. "They asked you that shit?"

Brett's face crumpled into a frown. "Li, don't worry about that. I'm over it. I don't let it bother me."

"Who cares? No one should ask anyone those questions." _What was it like to kill him? Did you like it? Was there a rush?_ The truth was that I had thrown up afterwards, and had then tried to stab him, just to make sure he was dead. If mom hadn't been there, the scene would have been a bloodbath, and I probably wouldn't be alive. The thoughts were a whirling storm, and I felt overwhelmed. I slid down the wall and cried.

When I came back to, Brett was rubbing my shoulders. I had come back because of a loud noise. I vaguely recognized that it was end of class. "We should..." My voice was wrecked. "We should get to class." Brett startled at the sound of my voice.

"Are you sure? You're okay?"

I nod slowly. "I should splash some water on my face, but I'll be fine. I'll be okay if I do it on my own." It's meant to reassure him, but he looks hurt. "Sorry. I just meant that...you've done so much for me already."

"I want to talk to your teacher, let them know that you've been...well, unstable. Because, Li, what has it been? Seven breakdowns in five days doesn't sound like a good track-record. I just think we should be taking it easy. I think...maybe you should go home?"

I feel a wave of frustration. "No! I need to be doing better! I told my mom that if we moved, everything would be fine." I sniffed, just about ready to go over the edge again. "Besides, lacrosse try-outs are today." I push my face into my knees. "What do we have next anyway?"

"I'm pretty sure you've got Art. Then detention. Then we've got study together."

"If I promise to take it easy, can I go to my class?"

Brett chews his lip before nodding. "Sure." He frowns. "At least let me tell Mason, okay? Please."

I sighed. "Fine." I held out my hand. "Help me up, and we'll talk to him together."

"Okay." Brett looked immensely relieved. He helped me to my feet, and kept his hand on the small of my back while we walked back to the English classroom to get our stuff.

"I'm not going to run away, Brett. You don't need to...hover so much." I couldn't help how snappy my voice was, but I still felt bad for it. I sighed when his eyes started to well up. "I'm sorry, Brett. This is why I was going to avoid you today." I sat down. "I knew us being friends wouldn't work. You have to stop looking for me. I'll just hurt you, over and over, and you're too soft, too _good_ to let me do that. Please. Mason's used to all my bullshit. You're not."

I was going to say more, but Brett's gentle voice broke my resolve. "But I want to be." He stood there, looking at me in silence, for a long time. Eventually, he crouched down next to me. I was having trouble keep the tears at bay. "And you're not a particularly tough person either, Li. I can see the tears there. You said in one of your e-mails that you might be able to teach me some things, but maybe I can too." He gently turned my face to look at him. "Li, I don't think us being friends was a mistake. I believe it was fate. And don't roll your eyes. I need you to know that I believe in this, okay? And a part of believing in this is meditation." My first instinct is to snort at the notion. _Me? Meditating? You've got to be kidding me._ But, as I thought more about it, it sounded like a more reasonable option.

Eventually, I shrugged. "Okay. I'll give it a go."

A goofy smile spread across his face. "Thanks. I'll... _we'll_ try it during Study, right?"

"Sure." My response only seemed to make his smile brighter. "Alright, you idiot, let's go find Mason. He's probably in Geology right now. I know where it is."

We went together, and I beckoned Mason over. He frowned at me and shook his head. I sighed and went in to talk to his teacher.

"Can I talk to Mason for a sec? It's really important."

She looked skeptical for a minute before nodding. "Mason, Liam wants a word with you." She turned to me and added; "just make it quick, okay?"

I smiled at her and nodded. "Thanks."

Mason looked very annoyed. He glared at Brett and crossed his arms over his chest. "What?"

"Mason, don't be so irritable. I was the one who wanted to talk to you. Just before-"

I held my hand up to stop Brett from talking. "Let me handle this, okay? I can make it to my class on my own. Mason knows more about this than you do." I gave him a quick hug. "See you in Study, okay?"

"Okay." He looked like a puppy that had been kicked. My heart squeezed, but I pushed it aside. I turned back to Mason. "Listen, I know that you're annoyed, I get it, okay? But...Brett told me about someone he's lost, and I was a dick and asked him how old she was when she died, and...Mase, she was six. Six years old. And I'm a fucking asshole."

His face was made out of stone. He didn't change his expression at all. "That's why you think you hurt him. And you asked him about it today..."

I nodded. "I asked him about it today, but when I mentioned her name, it was like a 'protect' switch was flipped. He got really defensive about it until I said sorry, and then he said that it wasn't the worst thing he's been asked, gave me a list of things that people have asked, like to see the place she died, and it just triggered everything, and I felt like throwing up and..."

Mason softened completely at the sight of tears on my face. He could be hard, but that was just his outer shell. Inside, he was soft and gooey, and I loved that. He pulled me in close, and let me cry into his shoulder for a few minutes. I knew I'd have to let go at some point, but I didn't want to. "Li, I should get back to class."

"I know. Come over this weekend?"

"Sure." He turned to walk back into the classroom, but stopped. "Are you going to be okay?"

I sniffed. "Yeah. I'll be fine. Going to Art...the most boring subject on Earth." I smiled, putting on a brave face. "I'll see you later, yeah?"

"Okay."

Detention was, somehow, teacher-less so I went and sat next to Hayden. "Hey."

She turned to me and beamed. "Hi, Liam. How are you?"

"Uh...yeah, doing pretty alright." I said, unsure of what to make of her bright smile.

She frowned a bit. "You left English looking really pale. Are you sure you're doing alright? You looked like you were about to faint, throw up or both."

I chuckled nervously. "Yeah...I did neither of those things, actually. Just needed some fresh air." There was an awkward silence that stretched way longer than it should have. "So...uh...can you tell your friend that I'm sorry? About how I treated her, I mean. I didn't mean to get angry again. Some people just..."

"Sure." There was another long, awkward silence. "Liam, if...if you don't move, I'm gonna end up kissing you. Seriously, no one deserves to be that adorable."

I blushed and quickly moved to the side.

  


After detention, I was feeling about ready to pass out. I made my way to the library sleepily, yawning multiple times on the way. I saw Brett immediately; he was waiting for me just inside the door.

He grinned at me. "Hey. So, you ready to meditate?"

"No, I'm ready to sleep."

Brett frowned. "Maybe you should sleep then. I mean, meditating rests your mind, body and soul, but it's different to sleeping. And if you're tired, meditating will probably turn into sleeping."

I shrugged. "I don't know. You're the one who knows about this stuff." I gave him a small smile as we walked to one of the back corners. No one really used this part of the library, by the looks of it. When I had a closer look at the books on the shelves, I understood why. "Why do we even have a section on medieval medicine? Does anyone actually need this? Why not put it with the medicine section at the front of the library?"

"Keep looking. They've got more than just that. They also have pre-colonization Japanese literature, provincial Chinese literature and art, early Egyptian burial records; not translated, either, I think there's even some old English poetry in there somewhere, written by the noble men and women of society." He smiled as he picked up one particular book. "I love this one. Have a flick through."

I did, and saw some beautiful scenes from rural China. I stopped at a particularly wondrous scene of an estate, mountains sprawling in the background. The colours were still amazingly clear. There was an impressive amount of detail in the painting, the houses painted with the thin lines of doors. There was even the decoration just under the roofs, almost as if someone had taken a photograph. "This is amazing."

"Yeah. I tried to replicate it." He handed me his phone. "Note the word 'tried'. I didn't do so well." I held his phone up next to the picture.

"It's not so bad. Besides, what's the point of replicating it when you can make your own?"

Brett laughed. "You sound like my sister." He took the phone back. "So, what do you want to do? Meditate or sleep?"

I sighed. "We'll try meditation, but if I end up asleep on your shoulder, don't be too surprised."

"Okay." He sat down, and motioned for me to do the same. I sat the way he was sitting, with one leg resting over the other. "This is half-lotus. You don't actually have to sit like this, but I find it easier to concentrate." He placed his hands face-up on his knees and straightened his back. "Sit like this and gently close your eyes. You don't have to close them, but again, I find it easier."

I did as instructed, and immediately felt much more relaxed. "That's good. Now, let everything else fade away. Focus on my voice." His voice was smooth as chocolate, and washed over me like soft waves. "That's great. You're doing a good job. Bring your focus into your body. First, feel your head, and travel all the way down to your feet. Let everything just float. Then, bring our focus back into your lungs. Slow your breaths down. Let them flow in and out of your body."

I felt completely and utterly relaxed. I was no longer afraid of my past, because it didn't exist. I wasn't worried about anything. I quickly grew to love that place.

  


The bell ringing jolted me from my peace. I sighed, opening my eyes. "Does it really have to be over?"

Brett smiled at me brightly. "I'm afraid it does. But I suppose that means that you liked it?" I nodded enthusiastically, making Brett laugh. "Well, maybe we can do it later, after lacrosse, when I'm at your house."

"Yes! Yes please!" I was so excited, I didn't think twice about kissing his cheek. I raced off to my next class, heart pounding happily.

  


The locker rooms were full by the time I got there. I got changed quickly, hoping to get out on the field as soon as possible.

When I got out there, I saw Scott, Stiles, Isaac and Brett warming up with each other. I forced a smile on my face and went over. "Hi, guys."

"Hi, Liam. How was your day?" Scott asked cheerfully.

My smile slipped a little. "Not...so great." I glanced at Brett, still feeling immensely guilty, for both trying to avoid him and asking my stupid question. And let's not forget my embarrassing break-down.

He smiled back at me and I could see him try to come up with something to say. He didn't get there.

"So, let's start practicing, right? We've all still got to get on the team." Scott looked at me with a pained expression, but didn't speak up.

We started passing the ball around between us, and then went for sprints before ending up doing drills. Then, Coach called us over.

"Alright boys, we've got more people this time, and this means that more of you will be benched this season. Now, I want you all to do laps of the oval."

  


At the end of the day, the team was composed of Jackson, Danny, Brett, Scott, a few guys I didn't know, Stiles and I. I was really happy to get onto the team, but I was even happier when I remembered that Brett was coming home with me.

I texted my mom to tell her that I was going to be coming home with Brett, and she seemed happy enough with that. I really hoped that she hadn't freaked out again, even with me having sent Tessa (because she can sometimes still text when she's having an episode), but I didn't think too much about it because Theo stepped in front of us.

"Hey, good job on getting in the team, short stuff. Hope nothing...happens to you on the field." He sized up Brett and smirked. "Later, losers."

"God, what is his problem? Why do rich kids have to be such pricks?"

Brett snorted and kept walking. "Don't worry too much about him. As I said, you're probably going to get more trouble from his dad than him. Besides, I'm on the field too. I've got your back."

"Thanks. And I've got yours too." I smiled up at him and waited for him to unlock his car. "Why don't you ever use the remote controls?"

"Broken. Don't really see any point in fixing it when I can just unlock it manually." He smiled as he slid into his car.

"I suppose. But wouldn't it be easier? Especially if you're carrying a lot of stuff."

"Yeah, but that's why I have you, right?"

I scoffed and slapped his arm. "Fuck off."

Brett gave a hearty laugh as we drove out of the parking lot.

  


We entered the house just a few minutes later, and I called for mom. She called out from the kitchen, and I went to her. "How was your day? Not too bad, I hope."

"No, I had a wonderful day. Tessa came over from next door with scones. She stayed for most of the day." A strange look passed across her face, and she turned to me, scowling. "You told her."

"I told her." I confirmed, and she threw up her hands. "What? It can't hurt to be careful. How long did you check out yesterday? I bet you don't remember." I softened my voice and put my hands on her shoulders. "Let me protect you. Just this once, okay?" She sighed and nodded. I pulled her into a hug and kissed her cheek. "Is dad home yet?"

"No, but I've got dinner on, and he should be home by the time it's ready."

"Okay. Thanks. I have Brett over with me, so we'll be doing homework until dinner, yeah?"

"Okay. Just don't do anything _too_ serious. Dinner shouldn't take too long." She said with a wink.

"Cheeky." I said with a laugh and passed her. "Brett, come on."

He followed me upstairs to my room. "Sit down if you like. I'm just gonna get changed."

"Sure." He sat down and pointed to a picture on my wall. "You make that?"

"Nah, my aunt. She fancied herself a painter, but she wasn't exactly stellar. That was one of her better ones. Most of them were just paint thrown randomly at a canvas. That was supposed to be her cat."

Brett frowned at me curiously. "Were?"

I winced. "Burned. She got old, crazy, and she burned her house down. The living room was the center of her bonfire. I actually helped pile them there. She told me she was moving them to storage. I was walking home when she started the fire. It was only because of that that I was able to get her out."

"Damn." There was a short pause while I walked into the bathroom with my clothes. I swear I felt his eyes on my back. "What's this?"

I poked my head around the corner of the bathroom and saw him looking at my framed Metallica shirt. I smiled. "Metallica. Love 'em. Signed by Lars Ulrick."

"Who?"

I laughed. "The drummer. He's good, too." I pointed to the other wall, where I had a framed Pearl Jam t-shirt. "That one's signed by Michael McCready."

"Again; who on Earth is that?"

I raised my eyebrows and finished dressing. "Only the coolest guy ever." I crossed my arms over my chest. "So, what music _do_ you listen to?"

"Not anything in particular. I mostly go for classical, but only really because my parents hate anything else."

I winced. He must have caught it, because he sighed. "Look, they're not too bad, okay? At least they...I'm doing fine."

I narrowed my eyes. "At least they what?"

"Nothing." He sighed and turned to look at me. "Homework, right?"

"Brett-"

Brett interrupted me. "Just leave it, please. I...I don't want to think about it, and I definitely don't want to talk about it."

"Fine." I pulled out my laptop and brought up my document with our story. We revised passages we'd already written until dinner was ready.

  


When mom called for us, I pulled Brett down the stairs and introduced him to my father.

"This is Brett, my new friend from school."

"Nice to meet you." A sly smile spread across his face. "From the way Liam talks about you, we're going to-"

"Okay, dinner time. I'm hungry. Who else? Are you hungry, Brett?"

Brett nodded, smiling tightly. "Starving. I'm sure I won't be for long, though."

I pulled him to the table quickly, before dad could say anything else embarrassing.

Brett was chuckling, and then he doubled over, laughing. "What?" I crossed my arms over my chest. "It's not funny. It's tragic. I hate my parents."

"What's that?" Mom called from the kitchen.

"I didn't mean you. I meant dad. I hate dad. He's being embarrassing."

Mom poked her head out of the kitchen, a mischievous smirk on her face. "Well, that's the point of parents, isn't it? Why, I remember when you were just a baby, and you were friends with that boy Henry. You would chew on each other's-"

"Yes, okay. We get the point. Thank you." I pushed her back into the kitchen.

"Each other's what?" Brett asked, clearly amused.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Biscuits."

Brett shook his head, still chuckling. "That doesn't sound too bad."

"It wasn't - until we were with friends, and they all said it was gross how we sometimes even shared the same one."

Brett's face scrunched up. "But that _is_ gross."

"Yeah, alright. That's enough of that. I really _am_ hungry."

  


Dinner was a relatively tame affair, except for me having to lean across the table and silence one of my parents from revealing the embarrassing stories of my past. Unfortunately, the other always continued.

I retreated upstairs, cheeks and ears burning with a red blush. I expected Brett to follow me, but he didn't. I was tempted to leave him alone down there and just write up my day, but then decided against it. I went back down, and saw Brett sitting on the floor with mom and dad, playing cards.

I sat next to Brett. "What are you playing?"

"Five hundred."

"What's that?"

Mom smiled at me and ruffled my hair. "Something too complicated for you to understand, baby."

I shook her off and huffed. "I can understand chess, can't I?"

"Barely." Dad laughed.

"Why are you all picking on me?" I moaned, earning me the amused expressions I had expected.

Brett pulled me into his side. "I'm not picking on you. I think you're really smart."

"You're just saying that because I'm hurt."

He considered that for a second. "I suppose you're right. But you _are_ a good writer. I'll never lie about that."

I smiled. "Thanks. I know."

"So, do you want me to walk you through it? We can be partners."

"I like the sound of that." I said, drawing myself into his side.

He laughed. "You have to be on the other side."

I moved myself to his left side, slightly confused.

"Not there." He pointed between my parents opposite him. "There."

"Oh." I moved over as Brett dealt out the cards, a little disappointed that I wasn't going to be next to him.

  


"I don't get it. So, I'm supposed to be getting these 'tricks', but you can get them too?"

"Yes, but you don't want your parents to get the tricks."

I frowned. "But why?"

"Because that gives them points." Brett explained calmly for what I'm sure was the hundredth time.

"And they're trying to get five hundred points?"

"Yes."

"Then why haven't we won yet?"

"Because we have to bid."

I frowned. "Bid?"

Brett sighed. "Maybe we should just try this another night. I need to get home. Midnight curfew and all that." He put his cards down and stood.

I stood with him and gave him a hug. We went up into my room to gather his stuff. "It's a shame you have to go. You sure you can't stay the night?"

"Sorry, Liam. No."

"That's okay. Some other time?"

"I don't know. Maybe." My face fell. Brett noticed. "I want to, obviously, but I'm pretty busy, with homework and work and everything."

"Sure." I walked him to the door. "See you on Monday, then?"

"Yeah." He hesitated. "Listen, I never told you, but you can't call me on weekends, okay? Just...text me."

I gripped his forearm. "Brett, what's going on? I'm worried."

"I know you are." He sighed. "I...I'll tell you, and everybody else...soon. I don't know. It's hard to talk about. Just...trust me, okay?"

"How can I when your parents are abusing you?" He opened his mouth to reply, but I interrupted him. "You can't dispute it. I might not know what's happening, not exactly, but I see that. They're abusing you, and you need to get out."

"And I will but-Liam, if I don't...my Tuesdays are theirs, because if I refused, I would never see Lori again. My sister. I...she _needs_ me. She needs her big brother, and I need her. Please...don't say or do anything until I'm ready. Not to _anyone_. Promise me."

I searched his face desperately, looking for any cracks in his resolve, but found none. I sighed, closing my eyes. "Promise. But...you know what you're doing, right?"

"I know what I'm doing." He pulled me in for a hug. "I hope."

My heart lurched in my chest. I pushed him away and looked deep into his eyes. "You _hope_? Brett, that's not-"

"Leave it. Please."

"Fine. But I want you to text me. Every night. I wanna know that you're okay."

"Fair enough." He looked at his phone nervously. "Shit. I'm gonna miss curfew."

"Then stay. If you never show up, they can't punish you."

Brett smiled at me briefly. "Yeah. I don't know, Liam."

"Please, it's almost two. Don't bother your parents."

"But what about Lori?" He looked like his heart was breaking. Maybe it was.

"Lori'll be fine without you for a night. I mean, you don't sleep with her, do you?"

"Liam! I don't sleep with her. I just..." As his voice trailed off, his face fell. "Okay."

He dropped all of his stuff. I went and told mom and dad what was happening, and they agreed to let Brett stay, as long as he called his parents to let them know where he was.

When I told Brett, his face went white. "Brett? You okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Just...give me a minute."

I frowned at him, but let him pass me into the bathroom, where he started talking a few seconds later. I didn't mean to overhear anything, but the noise came drifting through the walls.

"Hey, mom, I'm staying at a friend's house tonight. No, it's not a girl. You can't keep doing this. It's just for one-no, mom, no, I'm _not_ sleeping with him...mom, for the last time, I'm not-mom, please. Just _one_ night." There was a long pause. "Thank you."

Brett came out of the bathroom, an unreadable expression on his face. "She said I can stay over."

I smiled, pretending that I hadn't heard the previous conversation. "That's great. I'll get my room ready."

"Thanks." Brett said, smiling sheepishly.

  


"Liam?"

I turned and saw Brett in the doorway to my room. "Yeah?"

Brett stepped closer to me and I stayed where I was, against my better judgement. When he was close, he leaned down, trying to kiss me. I stepped back. "Not now, Brett. I...I like you, but I'm not ready for that now. Give me time."

I felt bad when his face fell, but stuck to what I said; I wasn't ready for a romantic relationship. Brett stepped back. "Yeah, okay. I get it." He sighed. "Sorry, I just haven't had a boyfriend in such a long time."

"That's fine, but you're...you said your parents barely let you out of the house. How would you manage having a boyfriend?"

Brett bit his lip and shrugged. "I'd find a way. But you're right; it wouldn't be fair on you. Sorry. You're just so...so goddamn _cute_ , you know?"

"Thanks, Brett." I smiled softly at him. "You're pretty cute yourself."

Brett blushed and pulled me in for a hug. I pulled him in closer, my smile widening.

After our hug, the evening quietened down very quickly; I said goodnight to my parents and went up to bed with Brett. We brushed our teeth together, sharing small smiles. He started getting under the blankets I'd laid out on the floor, but I stopped him.

"Come up here. I'd like cuddles."

Brett laughed softly. "Okay, I can do cuddles." He got up and slid into my bed next to me. "Where do you want me?"

"Behind me's nice. I'm usually the big spoon, so-" I stopped when Brett burst out laughing.

"Usually the big spoon? But you're tiny! I could probably fit you into a gift box. You'd make a great present."

"Oh, shut up." I retorted, elbowing him in the ribs. "Just go to sleep."

His laughter tapered off. "Sorry, it's just so hard to resist." Brett squeezed me a little. "I don't mean anything bad by it."

"I know." I whispered, letting the words hang in the air. He seemed to get that that was the last thing I wanted said about that and truth be told, I was feeling a little uncomfortable. He'd just told me that he wanted to date me, and here he was, wrapped around me. And then he'd said that stuff about me being small, something dad had very clearly pointed out as a bad thing.

The room had a tension that I knew we both felt. The silence dragged out, long and heavy.

"I'm sorry." His voice startled me. "I don't know what I said, but you're really tense. I'm sorry."

"It's fine. Don't worry about it." I wrapped my hand over his. "Goodnight, Brett."

There was a long pause, and so I turned over to look him in the eye. "Brett, you know how you won't talk to me about what your parents are doing to you?" Brett nodded hesitantly. "Well, this is kind of like that. I don't want to talk about it. And actually, you don't have to either, not to me. I'm just trying to get you to see that you should talk to _somebody_ about it. I'm not expecting that I can just waltz in here and take the place of your friends. I'm not trying to get you to move out or anything. I'm saying all these things so that you're not alone any more. Please, open up to somebody. I opened up to Mason. We'd talked online before I came here; I found him as soon as I knew we were moving here. I knew I'd need someone. Just like you need someone, okay? Don't try to avoid that step. It's going to end badly if you do. Trust me, I've been there." I sighed heavily. "But for now, let's just get some sleep, yeah?"

"Okay. Night, Liam."

"Night."

  


  


I'm sorry it took so long, guys! I know I said, like, three months ago that it would be coming soon, but so much stuff happened! Thank you all for being so patient!


End file.
